Early in my loss, back at work, I had a particularly bad morning. Looking back, I can’t tell you why or pinpoint the specific trigger, but all I wanted to do that morning was cry.
My desk was in a somewhat public area, and so I took refuge in my coworker’s office. I did this sometimes, and I appreciated that she made her office available in this way. It helps to have friends who “get it” when you’re grieving.
But this particular morning, my coworker was bent on cheering me up, and that was just hard.
Sometimes, you don’t want or need to find cheerfulness. Sometimes (often!), you need to just sit and grieve.
I can still picture her dancing around on her (post surgery) crutches. I can still see her making faces, and telling me funny stories. And it’s all appreciated! (I promise you, love, if you’re reading this, I still love you; always).
It’s still something I think about, though, because cheerfulness should be a choice. And how much I would have loved to take a moment to talk out the sadness; to let out the tears. How much that would have been appreciated, to be acknowledged without pressure to feel differently.
I can almost guarantee you, it’s what we all need.
Notes for the Support Team – Words Matter:
Original statement: Let’s cheer you up.
Rewritten: I understand your grief is heavy right now. I’d like to support you in whatever ways you need. Would you like to tell me about him? Or maybe we can go for a walk. Whatever you need.