The Problem with Positivity (Miranda's Blog) | overlaid on image of dark red flowers in front of a a bright window (Miranda Hernandez)
(Miranda Hernandez)
One of the worst parts of my experience was that in only thinking positive, I was unprepared for what’s real. And to me, that’s more important. Because reality happens, whether you are prepared or not.
(Miranda Hernandez)

Because I lost my first child to stillbirth, and because no one warned me of the dangers in advance, I am active today in pregnancy communities. I am committed to providing the information that was never provided to me. And oddly, one of the most common responses I receive in return is that I need to think positive. This is why that’s odd:

I was literally the most positive person possible when I was pregnant with my first child. I told friends very early. I hired a doula at 6 weeks. I wrote letters to my son throughout my pregnancy, and I made plans for my life with him. It literally never entered my mind that anything could go seriously wrong. And then he died. And one of the things I’ve learned from that experience is that positivity is not a cure-all. Because I promise you, it was not possible to have been more positive than I was, and he still died.

So no, I will not focus on just the positive. That’s not realistic. And one of the worst parts of my experience was that in only thinking positive, I was unprepared for what’s real. And to me, that’s more important. Because reality happens, whether you are prepared or not.

I can tell you firsthand, I am positive of that.

Downloadable graphics:

💙🐘💙 Miranda’s Blog contains my thoughts on stillbirth, child loss, mental health after loss, pregnancy & parenting after loss, and thoughts on grief positivity & grief support. 💙🐘💙
View the Miranda’s Blog homepage here. | 📬 Subscribe to Updates  📬

Scroll to Top