5 Feb 2018 – Akhilandeshvari

Tree branches in California
Tree branches in California (Miranda Hernandez)

One morning seven years ago, after the end of a relationship that was embarrassingly short for the pain I allowed it to cause me, I found myself googling. This is fairly common with me; I think it’s often easier to relate to something when it doesn’t require two-way communication.

I don’t claim to be an especially deep person. I don’t worship; I don’t find comfort or need in that setting. But beyond those feelings, gods and the mystic have always fascinated me.

The thing that I googled that morning led me to this new-agey article about the Hindu goddess Akhilandeshvari–the goddess of “never not being broken.” And since that morning, I have also learned about kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing breaks with gold. And when I started to claw my way out of this fog that surrounded me, when I started to think like a human being again, I remembered.

I don’t find comfort in the thought of a higher power. It doesn’t do anything for me. But I do find comfort in the fact that other people have also been broken…and they survived it. And if that brokenness was impactful enough to create the concept of Akhilandeshvari, or even if she actually exists and her presence is just that inspiring, then I find comfort in that community. I find comfort in the fact that strange as I am, there are other people who feel like me, and none of us are completely alone.

I’m sorry that we aren’t alone.

I love you.

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