Tree branch in California - Feature
Tree branch in California (Miranda Hernandez)

5 Feb 2018 – Akhilandeshvari

Share on facebook
Share on pinterest
Share on twitter
Share on tumblr
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on print
Share on email

Akhilandeshvari; the Goddess of Never Not Being Broken

One morning seven years ago, after the end of a relationship that was embarrassingly short for the pain I allowed it to cause me, I found myself googling. This is fairly common with me; I think it’s often easier to relate to something when it doesn’t require two-way communication.

I don’t claim to be an especially deep person. I don’t worship; I don’t find comfort or need in that setting. But beyond those feelings, gods and the mystic have always fascinated me.

The thing that I googled that morning led me to this new-agey article about the Hindu goddess Akhilandeshvari–the goddess of “never not being broken.” And since that morning, I have also learned about kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing breaks with gold. And when I started to claw my way out of this fog that surrounded me, when I started to think like a human being again, I remembered.

I don’t find comfort in the thought of a higher power. It doesn’t do anything for me. But I do find comfort in the fact that other people have also been broken…and they survived it. And if that brokenness was impactful enough to create the concept of Akhilandeshvari, or even if she actually exists and her presence is just that inspiring, then I find comfort in that community. I find comfort in the fact that strange as I am, there are other people who feel like me, and none of us are completely alone.

I’m sorry that we aren’t alone.

I love you.

Related Posts:

Life as a Grieving Mother: Spiritual Feelings & Beliefs
Topics Page: People & Relationships
Topics Page: Grieving Without God
Miranda’s Blog: Quora: Perspective of a Non-Believer Following the Death of a Child
Miranda’s Blog: Grieving My Child Without God

Posts written in response to prompts from Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief writing program.
Return to Write Your Grief Homepage

Share this post via:

Share on facebook
Share on pinterest
Share on twitter
Share on tumblr
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on print
Share on email
Palm trees over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Beauty

20 March 2021 – The Absence of Memory

18 March 2021 – What I Wish You Knew

17 March 2021 – Who I Used to Be

21 March 2021 – Does Grief Mourn?

Miranda on the shore of Lake Tahoe, California (photo used with permission)

23 Aug 2018 – Windows

Memories (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda on the California coast at sunset (Synch Media)

18 Feb 2018 – Memories

Chalk drawings on the sidewalk (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Mar 2018 – Someone Else’s Birthday

North Star Resort - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Flight

Miranda on the Pacific Coast 2 - Feature

10 Feb 2018 – This is How I Feel About Life

22 March 2021 – Kindness…

Sunset over Arizona - Feature

12 Feb 2018 – Hard Things

Hiking the Sleeping Giant Trail, Kapaa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i

3 Feb 2018 – The Kindest Thing

27 March 2021 – Community

Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Time

Pinecrest Lake 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – The Nuclear Bomb

31 March 2021 – Clarity

Title: My Personal Experience with Grief | overlaid on an image of Miranda in Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)

29 Jan 2018 – Grief

Keālia Beach 1 - Feature

8 Feb 2018 – Prickly

30 March 2021 – Subsumed Grief

24 March 2021 – The One I Avoided Last Time

A seagull over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

9 Feb 2018 – No

Amy's collar (Miranda Hernandez)

12 Sep 2018 – Three Dishes

Lakeside in Incline Village 3

14 Feb 2018 – I love you. Please.

30 March 2021 – The 13th Guest

Sunlight through the trees, North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

25 Aug 2018 – Amy Anne

19 March 2021 – Where I Live Now

24 March 2021 – Emulation

Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park, Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

22 May 2018 – I only write to ghosts. You must be one of them.

26 March 2021 – Landscape

Lakeside in Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe, Nevada (Miranda Hernandez)

13 Feb 2018 – The Condition of My Heart

Birds on the Pacific Coast in California - Feature

22 Feb 2018 – Fuck

Limp hand holding a cell phone

26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened

Sunset over the Pacific 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – Nuclear Bomb Part 2

Matthiola flowers on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

26 Sep 2018 – Dear Grace

Seagulls on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

27 May 2018 – Fairytales

AdrianHernandez_newborn-6 - Feature

6 Feb 2018 – Regret

Title: A Letter to My Fellow Bereaved | overlaid on an image of the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Feb 2018 – I Love You

A Letter to My Belly (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda making a heart on her belly (Synch Media)

24 Feb 2018 – A Letter to My Belly

Title: Grief is a Mother, Too | overlaid on an image of Miranda and Elephant on the coast at sunset (Synch Media)

2 Feb 2018 – Grief is a Mother, Too

Keālia Beach 2 - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Unspoken

Wide angle view of Miranda standing on a deserted beach in California at sunset. She is wearing a pink kimono fluttering in the breeze (Synch Media)

30 Jan 2018 – The Second Death

Sunset on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

2 Jun 2018 – Peace

The first blanket and baby toy Miranda purchased for Peanut (Miranda Hernandez)

29 Oct 2018 – Baby Things

31 Jan 2018 – Choice

Miranda on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

28 May 2018 – Planet Miranda

Miranda with Adrian's First Blanket - SQ

2 Feb 2018 – Elephant Onesies

Sunset over the California desert, with highway signs in the distance (Miranda Hernandez)

1 Feb 2018 – Photos

Julia Pfeiffer Burns Plant1 - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Tests

A Letter from the In-Between (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda staring off into the distance (Synch Media)

28 Jul 2018 – A Letter from the In-Between

Sleeping Giant Trail 1 - Feature

25 Feb 2018 – That Day

4 April 2021 – Memories Part 2

Miranda on the California coast (Synch Media)

21 Jun 2018 – The After

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant

Scroll to Top