26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Limp hand holding a cell phone (Miranda Hernandez)
(Miranda Hernandez)

The worst thing that never happened – Here’s a series of simulated tweets describing the thing I feared most while pregnant with my daughter and after the loss of my son.

This is quite possibly the darkest thing I’ve ever written. Please note that the following screenshots are simulated tweets. This is the timeline of an event that never happened.

Tweet: She died. My beautiful little girl has died and I am broken. I don't want to live - The Worst Thing that Never Happened

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: I hate you. You ran away when I needed you. You left me alone. You want to be here now when I am broken, and I have nothing left to give. I don't want you anymore. I want to die.

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: You were horrible parents. He was a reason I cried myself to sleep at night. Even now, you'll find some way to make this tragedy about you. Go away. I don't have love to spare for you.

Tweet: I hate you, I hate you all. I I want my children in my arms. I wish that I could die.

he Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: This account has turned dark. I won't apologize or find the brightside. My children are dead, I will never get over it. I am already dead. What's left is just my body.

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: Go away, leave me. I don't care if you like what I'm writing. This is real, this is grief. It never gets better. I'll never move on.

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: I hate you. I hate all of you. Go away.

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: Don't leave me

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: I understand oblivion in drugs.

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: Help me

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: GO AWAY!!!

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: My life has been one unending nightmare. I hate you all. Go away

Tweet: You don't deserve me. I was such a good child, and you ruined me. You destroyed my light. You made me think I deserved to be abused. I hate you. I hope the world finds out you're horrible parents, and then you die. Go away

Tweet: He died and then I died and then for a while I came alive again. And now he's gone and she's gone and -- what? What's left?

Tweet: You motherfuckers reporting me for saying I want to kill myself. You have no idea. How can you ask me to want to stay alive? There's nothing left of me

Tweet: Go away, go away, go away. You aren't helping

Tweet: Why did you leave me? I was drowning, and you didn't try to save me. Did you even want to save me?

Tweet: Jesus can suck a dick; Tweet reply: And just because it bothers you, he can suck several more

The Worst Thing that Never Happened - Tweet: Fuckkkkkkk

Tweet: Yes, I'm still alive. I'm a ball of shit and misery, and nobody loves me. But you keep me here. You keep this shell alive - The Worst Thing that Never Happened

Tweet: I wondered how long it would take to lose my job. It's not permanent yet, maybe it won't be. I don't know though what use I would be. I'm never going to care. Maybe it's time to get fat - The Worst Thing that Never Happened

Tweet: I think about those movies where people lost everything, and turned their pain into beauty. I'm fresh out of beauty. I'm not your inspiration. Please go away - The Worst Thing that Never Happened

Tweet: I wish I could go away - The Worst Thing that Never Happened

Related Posts:

Life as a Grieving Mother: Suicidal Feelings After Loss
Topics Page: People & Relationships
Topics Page: Mental Health After Loss
Topics Page: Pregnancy After Loss
Resources Blog for Resources After Loss: Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Therapist
Write Your Grief: A Letter from the In-Between
Miranda’s Blog: Awareness Isn’t Enough
Miranda’s Blog: “If She Dies, I Die”

💙🐘💙 Posts written as part of the Refuge in Grief writing program. 💙🐘💙
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