Chalk drawings on the sidewalk (Miranda Hernandez)
Chalk drawings on the sidewalk (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Mar 2018 – Someone Else’s Birthday

Share on facebook
Share on pinterest
Share on twitter
Share on tumblr
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on print
Share on email

Echoes in Time

Greyson* is turning two next week. He is walking and talking and eating real food. He also sucks his thumb and crawls into his mama’s lap. I love him. I love you.

Natalie turned on Finding Dory when she went to the store. I remember meeting your Uncle Mason at the theater. The movie was so much sadder than I expected. Or maybe it was hormones?

I see you in my waking dreams. I see your cousins and I think of you. You were right there! You were living. Why aren’t you still living?

I feel your absence in my breathing. I wait for footsteps just around the bend. I hug your ashes and I think, “None of this is real. When I have paid my penance, I will hold you.”

I will never get to hold you.

I am planning for your birthday. You will never have a birthday.

I am living on fast forward. I am living standing still.

In another life, you’re sitting on this patio. You’re holding trains and watching Grey run circles round the dogs. You’re eating fruit and growing tall and everybody smiles. You live in promised futures that were lies.

~
* Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Related Posts:

Resources Page: Resources for Bereaved Families
Resources Page: Resources Blog for Resources After Loss

Posts written in response to prompts from Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief writing program.
Return to Write Your Grief Homepage

Share this post via:

Share on facebook
Share on pinterest
Share on twitter
Share on tumblr
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on print
Share on email
Pinecrest Lake 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – The Nuclear Bomb

Title: A Letter to My Fellow Bereaved | overlaid on an image of the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Feb 2018 – I Love You

Miranda on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

28 May 2018 – Planet Miranda

Sunset over the California desert, with highway signs in the distance (Miranda Hernandez)

1 Feb 2018 – Photos

Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park, Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

22 May 2018 – I only write to ghosts. You must be one of them.

31 March 2021 – Clarity

Matthiola flowers on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

26 Sep 2018 – Dear Grace

A Letter from the In-Between (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda staring off into the distance (Synch Media)

28 Jul 2018 – A Letter from the In-Between

Tree branch in California - Feature

5 Feb 2018 – Akhilandeshvari

AdrianHernandez_newborn-6 - Feature

6 Feb 2018 – Regret

27 March 2021 – Community

26 March 2021 – Landscape

Birds on the Pacific Coast in California - Feature

22 Feb 2018 – Fuck

Hiking the Sleeping Giant Trail, Kapaa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i

3 Feb 2018 – The Kindest Thing

Sleeping Giant Trail 1 - Feature

25 Feb 2018 – That Day

30 March 2021 – The 13th Guest

Sunset over Arizona - Feature

12 Feb 2018 – Hard Things

Miranda on the shore of Lake Tahoe, California (photo used with permission)

23 Aug 2018 – Windows

30 March 2021 – Subsumed Grief

A Letter to My Belly (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda making a heart on her belly (Synch Media)

24 Feb 2018 – A Letter to My Belly

Memories (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda on the California coast at sunset (Synch Media)

18 Feb 2018 – Memories

Sunset on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

2 Jun 2018 – Peace

Sunset over the Pacific 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – Nuclear Bomb Part 2

Palm trees over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Beauty

North Star Resort - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Flight

Julia Pfeiffer Burns Plant1 - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Tests

31 Jan 2018 – Choice

24 March 2021 – The One I Avoided Last Time

A seagull over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

9 Feb 2018 – No

21 March 2021 – Does Grief Mourn?

Miranda on the California coast (Synch Media)

21 Jun 2018 – The After

Miranda on the Pacific Coast 2 - Feature

10 Feb 2018 – This is How I Feel About Life

The first blanket and baby toy Miranda purchased for Peanut (Miranda Hernandez)

29 Oct 2018 – Baby Things

Lakeside in Incline Village 3

14 Feb 2018 – I love you. Please.

Title: Grief is a Mother, Too | overlaid on an image of Miranda and Elephant on the coast at sunset (Synch Media)

2 Feb 2018 – Grief is a Mother, Too

18 March 2021 – What I Wish You Knew

Lakeside in Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe, Nevada (Miranda Hernandez)

13 Feb 2018 – The Condition of My Heart

Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Time

Sunlight through the trees, North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

25 Aug 2018 – Amy Anne

Wide angle view of Miranda standing on a deserted beach in California at sunset. She is wearing a pink kimono fluttering in the breeze (Synch Media)

30 Jan 2018 – The Second Death

Title: My Personal Experience with Grief | overlaid on an image of Miranda in Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)

29 Jan 2018 – Grief

17 March 2021 – Who I Used to Be

19 March 2021 – Where I Live Now

Limp hand holding a cell phone

26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened

22 March 2021 – Kindness…

Keālia Beach 2 - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Unspoken

4 April 2021 – Memories Part 2

20 March 2021 – The Absence of Memory

24 March 2021 – Emulation

Seagulls on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

27 May 2018 – Fairytales

Keālia Beach 1 - Feature

8 Feb 2018 – Prickly

Miranda with Adrian's First Blanket - SQ

2 Feb 2018 – Elephant Onesies

Amy's collar (Miranda Hernandez)

12 Sep 2018 – Three Dishes

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant

Scroll to Top