Category: Miranda’s Blog 2021

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on pinterest
Pinterest
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on tumblr
Tumblr
Share on reddit
Reddit
Share on whatsapp
WhatsApp
Share on print
Print
Share on email
Email
Share on facebook
Share on pinterest
Share on twitter
Share on tumblr
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on print
Share on email
Mother holding a molly bear in a bedroom. The mother is wearing a loose white patterned kimono is snuggling into the bear with eyes closed. The bear is tan, with lighter cream markings. (Liz Morales Photography)

Here’s to the ‘Tog who Understands—

Here’s to the ‘tog who understands—She may be a mother, Or “just” a friend. She puts on the camera, and doesn’t ask questions. She knows all the symbols, and she respects them…Thank you to every photographer who understands the value of symbols of our lost children. You are appreciated.

Graphic art of pregnant woman standing in front of an ultrasound machine. The woman has tan skin and is wearing a green dress. She is looking down at her belly. The ultrasound machine show an image of a pink elephant on the screen (djvstock2, smalllike, & clker-free-vector-images acquired from Canva)

There’s an Elephant in the Exam Room

There’s an elephant in the room, and it is more than the fact that stillbirth exists. It’s the fact that pregnant patients, even today, aren’t being given the proper prenatal education to understand and make the most informed choices in their care. This needs to change.

Sharing about my deceased child doesn’t mean that I’m stuck or broken or even that I am actively hurting. It simply means I am a parent.

STILL a Mama Bear, and STILL Pissed

These are MY words. These are MY innermost thoughts and feelings. These are things I poured my soul into creating. These are things I create in honor of my deceased son, Adrian. And if you can’t respect me, then please respect him. This all came out of my love for him.

Close up of mother holding toddler and stuffed elephant. Mother's eyes are closed and is facing down. Only the top left half of the toddler's face is visible.

Motherhood

I am the mother whose body swelled with pregnancy.
I am the mother who dreamed and wanted and planned.
I am the mother who left my heart in a small and curtained alcove room.
I am the mother who screamed and cried and begged.

A light gray stuffed elephant nestled between sage-green military boots

Identities

Someone looked at this website the other day and commented that, if you didn’t know better, you wouldn’t know I was in the military. I never intended to keep this a “secret.” Mainly separate. But how much can you separate of your core identities?

Miranda's black chiffon top and striped black and white skirt on the day of Adrian's funeral (Modern Lux Photographt)

Flashes of Memory; Dressing for the Funeral

I remember what I wore to his funeral, primarily because I was only 11 days postpartum. Instead of wearing maternity clothing like I had planned in those early days, I had to go shopping and find something that didn’t make me look pregnant; that didn’t emphasize the curves of my body; the swelling that remained. A genuinely surreal experience.⁠

How do you get past losing a baby? You don't.

How Do You Get Past Losing a Baby? (Quora)

The death of my child is an event that lives with me; his absence is palpable; his presence is missing. And this is when I truly began to understand this monster called grief. You ask how one gets past losing a baby, and my answer is still—no. You don’t.

I loved you from the moment I saw that second blue line.

Imperfect Memories; the Second Blue Line

I came across this pregnancy test, and I looked at it again. And I realized, despite so many VIVID memories, the line on the test was PINK, and not blue. What else am I misremembering? What else is lost to the imperfection of the human mind?⁠

Four-year-old girl sitting outside with her stuffed animal tiger. Image is close-up mainly of tiger in girl's arms (FamilyFotographer, Getty Images)

No, Daniel Tiger, Grown-Ups DON’T Always Come Back

For the most part, I love Daniel Tiger. It’s a cute show with some deeper elements, and some generally great life lessons. There are two areas, though, in which the show gets it wrong, and unfortunately these are big ones for me.

Miranda wearing her bracelets with an elephant charm.

Life Thoughts from Subscription Boxes

I think if we believe in fate, it can cause us to look at events in a symbolic light, and maybe take things a little more hard when they go wrong. Or maybe try to find meaning in the random tragedies of life. Was Adrian *meant* to die? I can’t believe this. It makes fate sound quite cruel.

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant

Scroll to Top