020 – Tue, Jul 18, 2017 at 2:29 PM

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I had a fantasy of how it would go. I would wake up early in the morning, and it would start. I would walk to Alexis’s room and tell her, calmly, that it was time. She’d be frantic, but I’d be okay. I was supposed to stay home until I was further along. I would call my doula. She’d have plenty of time. She might meet us at the hospital, or maybe we’d still be at home. I would be strong. I wouldn’t panic. I wouldn’t need any drugs. I’d deliver you standing up, or maybe on my knees. You would have been perfect.

You were perfect. It was everything else that went wrong.

I miss you so much.

~
* Names have been changed to protect privacy.

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Letters to Adrian are real letters from a mother to her stillborn child. Letters are shared here in periodic batches.

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036 – Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 1:59 PM

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005 – 19w6d – Happy New Year

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067 – Tue, Dec 12, 2017, 9:42 PM

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074 – Sun, Dec 31, 2017, 7:59 PM

032 – Mon, Sep 18, 2017 at 9:24 PM

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096 – Tue, Apr 24, 2018, 11:09 PM

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128 – Thu, May 23, 2019, 9:11 PM

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034 – Mon, Sep 25, 2017 at 8:28 PM

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084 – Thu, Feb 1, 2018, 8:44 PM

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040 – Thu, Sep 28, 2017 at 5:43 PM

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059 – Wed, Nov 15, 2017, 7:52 PM

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038 – Thu, Sep 28, 2017 at 9:36 AM

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027 – Mon, Aug 14, 2017 at 12:15 PM

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072 – Sat, Dec 30, 2017, 10:51 AM

Pier, Paihia, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

042 – Mon, Oct 2, 2017, 6:14 PM

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048 – Sat, Oct 21, 2017, 8:37 PM

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041 – Sat, Sep 30, 2017 at 8:30 PM

Snow in Chicago, Illinois (Miranda Hernandez)

101 – Sun, May 6, 2018, 12:13 AM

Kaua'i coast (Miranda Hernandez)

105 – Mon, May 14, 2018, 9:33 PM

Staircase in California (Miranda Hernandez)

111 – Sun, Jun 10, 2018, 9:31 PM

California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

088 – Thu, Feb 15, 2018, 6:40 PM

California coast in Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

110 – Sun, Jun 3, 2018, 9:11 AM

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant at Northstar California Resort

089 – Sat, Feb 17, 2018, 3:55 PM

013 – Thu, Jun 29, 2017 at 10:22 AM

031 – Fri, Sep 8, 2017 at 12:16 AM

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014 – Thu, Jun 29, 2017 at 6:53 PM

California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

082 – Wed, Jan 24, 2018, 3:46 PM

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137 – Tue, Dec 31, 2019, 10:01 PM

002 – 7w3d – Pickles and ice cream?

Nasturtium flowers in Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

112 – Sat, Jun 16, 2018, 3:59 PM

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134 – Tue, Jul 23, 2019, 1:34 PM

Sanddollars on Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

043 – Wed, Oct 4, 2017, 7:43 PM

Keālia Beach, Kaua’i, Hawai’i (Miranda Hernandez)

106 – Fri, May 18, 2018, 6:18 PM

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049 – Tue, Oct 24, 2017, 5:26 PM

Street art in Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

087 – Wed, Feb 7, 2018, 4:16 PM

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122 – Tue, Jul 24, 2018, 9:28 PM

012 – 39w6d(2) – So close!

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010 – 38w4d – Almost there…

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139 – A Letter to My Son on His Third Birthday

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant with Bumblebee

051 – Tue, Oct 31, 2017, 5:32 PM

004 – 12w1d – Your Tiny Feet

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053 – Sun, Nov 5, 2017, 1:07 PM

003 – 10w2d – A Little Bit of a Belly

025 – Sun, Aug 6, 2017 at 12:26 AM

Winter in Chicago, Illinois (Miranda Hernandez)

097 – Wed, Apr 28, 2018, 11:08 PM

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

077 – Fri, Jan 12, 2018, 2:38 PM

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120 – Thu, Jul 19, 2018, 12:47 PM

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047 – Thu, Oct 19, 2017, 4:54 PM

009 – 33w2d

019 – Sun, Jul 16, 2017 at 12:17 PM

Bridge in California (Miranda Hernandez)

102 – Fri, May 11, 2018, 11:56 AM

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037 – Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 3:02 PM

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086 – Tue, Feb 6, 2018, 3:52 PM

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113 – Sun, Jun 24, 2018, 1:02 AM

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016 – Wed, Jul 5, 2017 at 6:58 AM

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080 – Sat, Jan 20, 2018, 4:09 PM

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136 – Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 6:40 PM

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092 – Tue, Mar 20, 2018, 2:26 PM

Peruvian lilies in San Juan Capistrano, California (Miranda Hernandez)

115 – Sat, Jun 30, 2018, 1:03 AM

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054 – Mon, Nov 7, 2017, 8:10 PM

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090 – Sat, Feb 24, 2018, 5:12 AM

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063 – Sun, Nov 26, 2017, 9:45 AM

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123 – Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 3:16 PM

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070 – Sat, Dec 23, 2017, 9:12 PM

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039 – Thu, Sep 28, 2017 at 4:16 PM

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094 – Fri, Apr 6, 2018, 11:46 PM

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125 – Fri, Oct 19, 2018, 1:08 PM

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Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

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091 – Sun, Mar 11, 2018, 1:10 PM

Tree in Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

057 – Tue, Nov 14, 2017, 6:28 PM

Sunset over Victoria - Feature

023 – Fri, Jul 28, 2017 at 5:18 PM

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015 – Sun, Jul 2, 2017 at 8:19 PM

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017 – Thu, Jul 6, 2017 at 6:24 AM

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079 – Wed, Jan 17, 2018, 4:24 PM

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast (photo used with permission)

075 – Tue, Jan 9, 2018, 10:04 PM

033 – Tue, Sep 19, 2017 at 6:35 PM

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant

100 – Sat, May 5, 2018, 5:30 PM

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021 – Thu, Jul 20, 2017 at 6:24 AM

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119 – Wed, Jul 18, 2018, 1:10 PM

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035 – Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 11:09 AM

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107 – Sat, May 19, 2018, 2:02 PM

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126 – Fri, Mar 29, 2019, 9:39 AM

028 – Wed, Aug 16, 2017 at 6:07 PM

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022 – Fri, Jul 21, 2017 at 12:18 AM

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046 – Sun, Oct 15, 2017, 8:09 PM

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071 – Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 6:45 PM

Sunset in California (Miranda Hernandez)

073 – Sun, Dec 31, 2017, 5:10 PM

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044 – Thu, Oct 12, 2017, 6:52 PM

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127 – Thu, May 2, 2019, 12:03 PM

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093 – Wed, Mar 21, 2018, 4:18 PM

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant

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