It was months after Adrian’s death, and I was sitting on the couch, trying to focus on mindless TV. It was the point after death where sympathy had mostly evaporated. And I didn’t want casseroles, but damn—I was lonely!
I messaged a friend, someone I hadn’t heard from in a while. I didn’t have many words then, so it was simply, “I miss you.”
And he called me back instantly.
And we talked for an hour, and it didn’t make the void go away, but it did help. Every little piece does.
Contrast this with another friend, one who had sent a message pretty soon after Adrian’s death. She said all the right words, but somehow they felt empty. And she promised to check in with me again…And then she disappeared.
If you are this second friend, it’s important for you to understand: Your absence is noticed!
I may not say anything at the time; I may not have the energy. But when you promise to be there for a person, and then you disappear, you have demonstrated your character. You have demonstrated your LACK of character.
And it also really hurts.
It hurts to know that when life is hard, the people you thought were most important can suddenly disappear.
It hurts, and to be honest, I’m angry with you for making this something I have to know.