When I first started planning to have children as a single parent, my mother said some genuinely cruel things to me. We had had a difficult relationship my entire life, so this wasn’t entirely out of the norm. It was the final piece that broke us though. It was the final incident that showed me the things that were valuable in my life weren’t valued by my parents.
And yet, whenever people heard about this break, they always told me, “Don’t worry, she’ll come around. Give it time. Be patient.”
Please don’t say this to people. It demonstrates both a lack of understanding, and also a minimization of the pain one feels when those who should be closest and supportive are instead hurtful.
When someone is important in your life, you shouldn’t have to wait for them to “come around” to acknowledge and respect the things that are important to you. You deserve enthusiastic support from the very beginning.
I do too.
I deserve enthusiastic support, both in life and grief.
Notes for the Support Team: Words Matter
Notes for the Bereaved: You have no obligation to keep anyone in your life (needs to be posted)