When I first started planning to have children as a single parent, someone close to me said some cruel things to me about my decision. We had had a difficult relationship prior to this conversation, so this wasn’t entirely out of the norm. It was the final piece that broke us though. It was the final incident that showed me the things that were valuable in my life weren’t valued by that person.
And yet, whenever people heard about this break, they always told me, “Don’t worry, she’ll come around. Give it time. Be patient.”
Please don’t say this to people.
Please don’t say this, because it demonstrates a lack of understanding. It is also both minimizing of the pain, and it puts the burden of reconciliation on the one who was hurt, instead of the one who caused the hurting.
When someone is important in your life, you shouldn’t have to wait for them to “come around” to acknowledge and respect the things that are important to you. You deserve enthusiastic support from the very beginning.
I do too.
I deserve enthusiastic support, both in life and grief.
Notes for the Support Team: Words Matter
Notes for the Bereaved: You have no obligation to keep anyone in your life (needs to be posted)