Notes for Bereaved Parents & Families

Thoughts to support you after the death of your child

What's with this expectation that grief should be "reasonable"? Death certainly isn't reasonable. Grieve however you need. -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

Notes for the Bereaved - There is NO time limit on grief. Take whatever time you need. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Notes for the Bereaved - You don't owe anyone any explanations—not about your loss, and not about your grief. It's okay to tell people your story is none of their business. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Notes for the Bereaved - You are under no obligation to turn your tragedy into something beautiful. You are allowed, todays and always, simply to exist. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are always always ALWAYS allowed to feel how you feel, with no obligation to cheer up, look on the bright side, or snap out of it. Your feelings are valid and so are you. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Grief is a selfish time. But being selfish is not inherently wrong. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

We talk so little about grief and loss in our culture, and this limits us in how we are able to support those we love after great loss. This is a collection of things I wish I had known or had permission to do when I was newly bereaved.

Related: Resources for Bereaved Parents & Families

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-Miranda Hernandez, Adrian’s Mother

Notes Sorted by Title

Grief is a selfish time. But being selfish is not inherently wrong. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Grief is a selfish time…And it should be

Holidays are optional - Sea Glass Parenting

Holidays are optional

I have the right to feel how I feel, for as long as I feel it, regardless of circumstances or whether someone else feels differently. -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

I have the right to feel how I feel

Notes for the Bereaved - I'm not going to tell you it gets better. The truth is, for some people, it doesn't. What I will tell you is that it CAN get better. There is POTENTIAL for happier days. There is hope. I hold hope for you. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

I’m not going to tell you it gets better

Notes for the Bereaved - It is not your job to make other people feel comfortable. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

It’s not your job to make other people feel comfortable

Notes for the Bereaved - Losing a child at any age is hard. It doesn't matter how far along you were. It doesn't matter if there was anything "wrong" with the baby or if he or she would not have been compatible with life. It doesn't even matter how many other children you have, either before or after your loss. You are always, always, ALWAYS allowed to feel whatever and however you need. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Losing a child at ANY age is hard

What's with this expectation that grief should be "reasonable"? Death certainly isn't reasonable. Grieve however you need. -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

Neither Death nor Grief are “Reasonable”

Notes for the Bereaved - You are under no obligation to turn your tragedy into something beautiful. You are allowed, todays and always, simply to exist. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

No Obligation to turn Tragedy into Beauty

Notes for the Bereaved - Of course you miss them! They are gone, and they shouldn't be. Don't ever feel ashamed for that. There is no time limit on grief. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Of course you miss them!

Thanksgiving can be hard when you're grieving. It's okay if you don't feel like being thankful this year. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Thanksgiving can be hard when you’re grieving

There is no asterisk to the things that are allowed in the grief experience. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

There is no Asterisk to the things Allowed in Grief

Notes for the Bereaved - There is NO time limit on grief. Take whatever time you need. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

There is NO Time Limit on Grief

Notes for the Bereaved - You are allowed to have uncomfortable and inconvenient feelings. You are allowed to feel anger, shame, embarrassment, or guilt. You are allowed to feel jealous. Child loss is hard. Life in general is hard, and humans are imperfect creatures. Feel whatever you need to feel. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are allowed to have uncomfortable and inconvenient feelings

You are always always ALWAYS allowed to feel how you feel, with no obligation to cheer up, look on the bright side, or snap out of it. Your feelings are valid and so are you. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are always allowed to feel how you feel

You are under no obligation to be healed—Not today, and not at any point in the future. It is always always ALWAYS okay not to be okay. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are under no obligation to be healed

Notes for the Bereaved - You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life for any reason. You are allowed to protect your own peace. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life

Notes for the Bereaved - You don't have to be a noble victim. You are allowed to be a fallible human being, just like the rest of the world. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You don’t have to be a noble victim

Notes for the Bereaved - You don't have to be brave. Bravery is ALWAYS a choice. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You don’t have to be brave

Notes for the Bereaved - You don’t have to "heal" if you don't want to. Grief isn't a disease. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You don’t have to heal if you don’t want to

Notes for the Bereaved - You don't owe anyone any explanations—not about your loss, and not about your grief. It's okay to tell people your story is none of their business. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You don’t owe anyone any explanations

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