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Adrian's Elephant
Graphics Blog

Sometimes memes encapsulate our feelings better than any other forms of expression.

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Adrian's Elephant
Graphics Blog

Sometimes memes encapsulate our feelings better than any other forms of expression.

I started making memes and graphics in 2019 as a means of sharing thoughts about the child loss experience. This quickly expanded into other aspects of loss, grief, and life:

Graphics Blog for Child Loss & Grief
Graphics Blog for Grieving Without God
Graphics Blog for Informed Pregnancy
Graphics Blog for Life & Authenticity
Graphics Blog for Pregnancy & Parenting After Loss

You can view graphics according to subject areas above, or simply scroll down. Please click, download, and share. Tags are always appreciated: Adrian’s Elephant on Instagram | Adrian’s Mother on Facebook and Twitter.

-Miranda Hernandez, Adrian’s Mother

Graphics Sorted by Title

Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

“A Stillborn”

"At least" is an invalidator.

“At least” is an invalidator (B/W; 2 versions)

informed pregnancy graphics babies come when they're ready

“Babies come when they’re ready” (3 versions)

"Be thankful for the good times." …What in the world makes you think I'm not?

“Be thankful for the good times” (B/W)

It is important to understand that the most "biologically normal" thing in the world is death.

“Biologically Normal” (B/W)

"But you have a beautiful daughter now." Rewritten: I'm sorry for your loss.

“But You Have a Beautiful Daughter Now”

Dead is not a dirty word.

“Dead” is not a dirty word (B/W)

"Grief is a passage, not a place to stay." Rewritten: Grief IS.

“Grief is a Passage”

"Healing" from grief is about as likely as regrowing a missing limb.

“Healing” from Grief

"Healing" from the death of my loved one is about as likely as regrowing a missing limb.

“Healing” from the death of my loved one or child (2 versions)

I can't imagine - Downloadable Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

“I can’t imagine” (3 versions)

"I know how you feel." Rewritten: I don't know how you feel, but I'm here to listen.

“I know how you feel” (2 versions)

Notes for the Support Team - Words Matter: Original statement: I wish I could take your pain away. Rewritten: I understand your feelings are important. I would never want to minimize or try to take them away. I will always be here to listen.

“I wish I could take your pain away”

"I would never survive it." I never had a choice.

“I would never survive it”

"It's going to be okay" Rewritten: It really sucks…and I'm here for you.

“It’s going to be okay” (2 versions)

"It's okay to not be okay as long as you don't stay that way" Rewritten: It's okay to not be okay.

“It’s okay to not be okay as long as you don’t stay that way” (color options)

"Look on the Bright Side." Rewritten: This sucks.

“Look on the bright side”

"Positive vibes only."...Rewritten: Authentic vibes only.

“Positive Vibes Only”

What's with this expectation that grief should be "reasonable"? Death certainly isn't very reasonable. Grieve however you need.

“Reasonable” Grief (B/W)

Notes for the Support Team - When someone is in the thick of grief, "someday" is pretty meaningless. Sit with them in the hard parts, today, instead.

“Someday” is Meaningless

"Think positive"...I am positive my son is dead.

“Think Positive” (B/W)

Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. Rewritten: Trauma is not your fault.

“Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility”

Why don't you "just"… Rewritten: Just don't say this

“Why don’t you “just”…”

"You're so brave." I never had a choice.

“You’re so brave”

"You're so strong." Inside I am dying.

“You’re so strong” (3 versions)

Bereaved Life Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

Bereaved Live in the Real World

Notes for the Support Team: Children aren't replaceable. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Children Aren’t Replaceable

Dear Prenatal Provider Informed Pregnancy Downloadable Graphics

Dear Prenatal Provider

Death changes you…Permanently.

Death Changes You

Death isn't something you ever "get over". It's something you integrate, and then integrate again.

Death isn’t something you ever “get over” (B/W)

Gentle wishes for bereaved dads on Fathers Day. May the day be kind.

Father’s Day

You are under no obligation to be healed not today, and not at any point in the future. It is always always ALWAYS okay not to be okay.

Feelings are Always Valid (B/W & Color; Multiple Versions)

Feelings are always valid, - Even when they aren't rational - Even when they are negative - Even when other people wish you felt differently Feelings are ALWAYS valid

Feelings are always valid (B/W)

Forced positivity is toxic.

Forced Positivity is Toxic (color options)

"Good intentions" are best revealed by changing behavior you've been told is hurtful.

Good intentions

If you ask a widow about the worst kind of grief, they are going to say it's losing a spouse. If you ask a bereaved parent about the worst kind of grief, they are going to say it's losing a child. And they are both correct. Grief is not a competition.

Grief is not a Competition (B/W; multiple versions)

Grief isn't sadness. Grief isn't loss. Grief is what lives in those left behind.

Grief is not Sadness (2 versions)

I think one of the hardest things I had to do was accept that grief isn't always overwhelming. Sometimes it just exists, present but not always screaming.

Grief isn’t always overwhelming (B/W)

I have grown as a person since the death of my son. But I would give up everything I've gained to have not had a reason to.

Growing through tragedy (B/W; 2 versions)

If a bereaved parent feels guilt or blame about their loss, simply telling them not to feel that way is not a solution.

Guilt, Fault, & Blame

I am thoroughly uninterested in being "strong."

I am thoroughly uninterested in being “strong”

I have the right to feel how I feel, for as long as I feel it, regardless of circumstances or whether someone else feels differently.

I have the right to feel how I feel (B/W)

I miss the days when I still believed all you needed was a good attitude.

I miss the days when I still believed all you needed was a good attitude

I don't talk about my son's death because I'm having trouble coping. I talk about my son's death because I don't know anyone else to end up like me. Please don't try to silence me. My story is as valid and as important as anyone else's.

I talk about Adrian’s death because I don’t want it to happen to you (B/W)

I too used to believe tragedy was the thing that happened to other people.

I too used to believe tragedy was the thing that happened to other people.

I'm upset with movies and TV shows for making me think grief was just a phase.

I’m upset with movies and TV shows for making me think grief was just a phase (B/W)

If you truly want to comfort a grieving person, remove these words from your vocabulary: "But", "Strong", "Brave", and "At Least"

If you truly want to comfort a bereaved person, remove these words from your vocabulary

Notes for the Bereaved - It is not your job to make other people feel comfortable.

It’s not your job to make other people feel comfortable

My Experience Going Overdue in Pregnancy (Brochure)

My Feelings are Authentic Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

My Feelings Are Authentic (color options)

My pain has a purpose Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

My pain has a purpose

What is safe is not always natural & What is natural is not always safe.

Natural VS. Safe

Quote: Sharing about my deceased child doesn't mean that I'm stuck or broken or even that I am hurting. It simply means I am a parent.

Parenting in Loss (color options)

how are you? Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

Please don’t ask me how I’m doing unless you’re prepared to hear the truth

Positivity is a choice, and not one you can make for other people

Positivity is a choice, and not one you can make for other people

Prayer Is Appreciated…When it has been invited

Prayer is appreciated…when it has been invited

Public Service Announcement: Back Up Your Photos

Public Service Announcement: Back Up Your Photos

My experience feels a lot more valid when I remove all the "buts".

Remove the “Buts” (B/W)

Sometimes it just needs to suck.

Sometimes it Just Needs to Suck

Sometimes there is genuinely nothing to be thankful for.

Sometimes there is nothing to be thankful for

Sometimes, I'm just tired Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

Sometimes, I’m just — tired

Graphics for Child Loss & Grief survivors bias

Stillbirth is “Rare” (multiple versions)

Graphics for Child Loss & Grief survivors bias

Survivor’s Bias

Thankfulness is not a "cure" for grief.

Thankfulness is not a “Cure” for Grief (color options)

Thankfulness is not a cure for tragedy, trauma, or grief.

Thankfulness is not a cure for grief (B/W; 2 versions)

Even as a bereaved parent, I still don't always know the right words to say.

The Bereaved Don’t Always Have Words Either

Even as a bereaved parent, I still don't always know the right words to say.

The Bereaved Don’t Always Have Words Either

The body keeps a calendar completely separate from the mind. Some days just have to be felt.

The Body Keeps a Calendar (B/W)

There is no "just" about the process of adoption

There is no “just” about the process of adoption

There's no such thing as "just" a miscarriage.

There’s no such thing as “just” a miscarriage (B/W)

They said time heals. They lied.

They said time heals. They lied. (B/W)

Tragedy is not a one-time event

Tragedy is not a one-time event

Quote: You may find it "triggering" to hear about the death of my child. Imagine how much harder it is to live with it.

Trigger Warning

What doesn't kill you…Still hurts like a bitch

What doesn’t kill you… (3 versions)

Yes, you can parent a child even after their death. #seaglassparenting

Yes, you can parent a child even after their death (B/W)

You are under no obligation to be healed not today, and not at any point in the future. It is always always ALWAYS okay not to be okay.

You are under no obligation to be healed

Notes for the Support Team - You aren't going to be perfect. Show up anyway.

You aren’t going to be perfect. Show Up Anyway.

Collections of Posts on Special Topics

Title: Thoughts on Natural Birth | overlaid on image of Miranda's maternity photo with Adrian (Modern Lux Photography)

Title: Pregnancy After Loss | overlaid on image of Miranda's belly and Adrian's footprints (Two Little Starfish Photography)

Title: Postpartum Body After Loss | overlaid on image of Miranda's belly in Waimea Canyon, Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)

Title: People & Relationships | overlaid on image of bench in Winnipeg, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

Title: Parenting After Loss | overlaid on image of Peanut's hands and Adrian's elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

Title: Mental Health After Loss | overlaid on image of Miranda and Adrian's elephant on the California coast (Synch Media)

Title: Guilt, Fault, & Blame | overlaid on image of fountain in San Francisco (Miranda Hernandez)

Title: Grieving Without God | overlaid on image of Miranda on the California coast (Synch Media)

Title: Grief Positivity | overlaid on image of the full moon (Miranda Hernandez)

Title: Grief Olympics or Comparing Grief | overlaid on image of sunset over Lake Tahoe (Miranda Hernandez)

Title: Financial Matters After Loss | overlaid on image of waterlilies (Miranda Hernandez)

Title: Death Positivity | overlaid on image of sunset over Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

Visit our sister site: Plain Talk Pregnancy – Evidence-Based; Human-Oriented

Visit our sister site:
Plain Talk Pregnancy

A piece of flash memory from the early days:⁠
⁠
"When I called the funeral home to ask for a certificate of cremation, they asked for my relation to the deceased. It was the first time I said the words, "I'm his mother."⁠
⁠
It still hits me, sometimes, even today.⁠
⁠
I am a mother. I have a son. I AM a mother."⁠
⁠
When was the first time you said these words?⁠
⁠
#AJHGraphics #MirandasBlog #Stillbirth #ChildLoss #PregnancyLoss #BabyLoss #IAMAMother #IAmMotherToAnAngel #StillbirthStory #BabyLossStory #BereavedParents #BereavedParenting #BereavedParenthood

It is common when we see someone in pain to want t

It is common when we see someone in pain to want to want to take that pain away; to make them "better".

I can't speak for everyone here, but I think something that isn't realized about loss is that pain after loss is sometimes important; it's a measure of the strength of the love that remains.

I certainly valued and still value my pain.

So instead of wanting to take it away, consider instead giving it a place. Listen without judgement. Let your loved one's complicated feelings exist.

#AJHGraphics #Stillbirth #Childloss #BabyLoss #InfantLoss #PregnancyAndInfantLoss #LifeAfterLoss #WhatToSay #HowToHelp #SupportAfterStillbirth #SupportAfterLoss #ImportanceOfPain #PainMatters #YourPainMatters #TalkingAboutPain #TalkingAboutLoss #AcknowledgingFeelings #WordsMatter #NotesForTheSupportTeam

Those complex days after Adrian's first birthday:

Those complex days after Adrian's first birthday: ⁠
⁠
"I started a social media campaign. I probably live in your letters lately. I forget sometimes how it felt in the enormity of those early days. I forget how very lost I felt.⁠
⁠
And I think somehow I felt like I would be healed now, like your birthday would be a healing event. Like I felt about that cruise. I will never be healed.⁠
⁠
Alex* talked to me about phrasing, about our subconscious minds being unable to understand negation. And so that last sentence means two very different things. And I wonder if it will ever feel that easy? Can I turn off all the “never’s”?⁠
⁠
You are (never) coming back.⁠
You (never) left me.**⁠
I (never) lost my son.⁠
I will (never) feel like a human being again.⁠
⁠
I am broken.⁠
⁠
The tears rise up out of nowhere. It is raining. I am drowning.⁠
⁠
Some things are bigger than “never”.⁠
⁠
I love you."⁠
⁠
~⁠
* Names changed to protect privacy⁠
** I realize now the faulty logic here. I was not in a super-logical place when I wrote this.⁠
⁠
#LettersToAdrian (link to full letter in bio)⁠
⁠
#Stillbirth #Childloss #BabyLoss #InfantLoss #PregnancyAndInfantLoss #StillbirthStory #StillbirthBlog #LifeAfterLoss #GriefStories #GriefBlog #LettersToTheDead #LoveLettersToTheDead #PowerOfTears #HealingGrief #HealingFromGrief #RainingTears #DrowningInTears

Identity—Someone looked at the website the other

Identity—Someone looked at the website the other day and commented that, if you didn’t know better, you wouldn’t know I was in the military. (So if this is the first time you are hearing about it—surprise, I guess?) And yes, I am an officer in the United States Air Force.⁠
⁠
I never intended to keep this a “secret.” If you look back at some of my letters and original posts, you will see references; even photos of me in uniform. But I did make a conscious decision not to emphasize this part of my identity. In my experience, once I mention what I do for a living, it often becomes a focal point, instead of being ancillary. And in the baby loss community, I never wanted anything to take focus away from my core identity as Adrian’s mother.⁠
⁠
Oh silly Miranda, always trying to keep things inside boxes…⁠
⁠
The thing is, I don’t know if anyone has a single “core identity.” Because yes, I am a bereaved parent. I am also the parent of a living child. I am also a writer, and a vegetarian. I also like to hike and sing. These are all parts of me.⁠
⁠
And yes, one of the biggest pieces is being in the military. And one of the most powerful things I’ve written is for that audience.⁠
⁠
A little over 3 months after Adrian died, I was an established member of a local support group. And one of the couples I met in that group was also a military family. And while I experienced an almost exclusively supportive work environment after Adrian’s loss, I was surprised and a bit angered to find out that not all military members’ experiences ended up that way. And I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot outside of our meeting space one evening, and the words just poured out of me. And they became the piece, "A Letter to my Commander Upon the Occasion of the Death of my Child.⁠"⁠
⁠
This is the piece that was turned into the video shared earlier last month. This is the piece that got me invited to speak in front of a national audience. And this has all been amazing. It's also proof that I can't continue to divide my identity...⁠
⁠
...continued on AdrianJamesHernandez.com (link in bio)

I had everything planned. I was so ready to leave

I had everything planned. I was so ready to leave my old city, and so on December 1st I was already packed and ready. I was walking from the parking lot with a small box full of recycling I had pulled from the front seat of my car. I wanted to start off the trip with everything neat and clean. I dumped the recycling into the bin, noticing the recycling truck on its way into the complex. "Perfect timing," I thought.⁠
⁠
I walked into the house, mentally tabulating the number of loads it would take to get everything into the car. I took out the first load, then the second. I remembered I needed to make a phone call. Where was my phone?⁠
⁠
By this point, the truck had been gone for only minutes, but it took me almost an hour to make the mental connection. That box full of recycling had contained more than plastic and cardboard. It also had my phone, and with it, the last photos I had of my pregnancy and my child.⁠
⁠
I was heartbroken.⁠
⁠
These are the things we don't often talk about. These are the silly "first world problems" that in most cases are simple annoyances. But this was so much more than an annoyance to me. On top of losing my child, I lost almost every digital memory.⁠
⁠
🖼️ The random moments from when I first started showing—gone⁠
🖼️ The day I spent in my 5th month shooting my bow and arrow around my bulging belly on my friend's land—gone⁠
🖼️ The bits and pieces from the hospital; the tens of photos I had asked my sister to take after the professional photographer had left for the evening—thankfully, I had transferred a few of these to the cloud, but the rest were gone⁠
🖼️ Photos of people and signs and scenery from the retreat I attended in the early months after Adrian's death—almost all, gone⁠
⁠
And yes, while I had transferred a handful of these into the cloud while planning to launch the Adrian's Elephant website, I had not set up any kind of backup system for the ones that remained. And for many of these, the only copy left is the visual image slowly bleeding out of my imperfect brain. And these fade a little more every day...⁠
⁠
...continued at adrianjameshernandez.com (link in bio)

When I first went back to my volunteer job after A

When I first went back to my volunteer job after Adrian's death, one of the people I worked with told me she hadn't said anything at the time, because there was, "nothing to say."⁠
⁠
I promise you, dear reader, there is ALWAYS something to say.⁠
⁠
It may not be profound or ground-breaking. I promise you also—that's fine!⁠
⁠
Your words may be awkward. You may stumble. You may stick in your foot in your mouth entirely. It's still okay.⁠
⁠
What's important is that you acknowledge the loss. That you embrace the awkwardness. That you show up anyway.⁠
⁠
Because the only way you really fail is by disappearing entirely.⁠
⁠
You aren't going to be perfect.⁠
Show up anyway.

#Stillbirth #ChildLoss #BabyLoss #PregnancyLoss #LifeAfterLoss #HowToHelp #SupportAfterLoss #GriefSupport #Grief #NotesForTheSupportTeam

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