Miranda holding Adrian's elephant in a park in California. It is a sunny afternoon. Miranda is wearing a white shirt and pink cardigan and smiling. (Sarah Perry Photography)

Miranda’s Blog

Thoughts of a Bereaved Mother on
Stillbirth, Grief, & Life After Loss

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My name is Miranda Hernandez, and I’m a bereaved mother. My firstborn child, Adrian James, was stillborn on 30 June 2017. After his death, writing was a huge part of how I honored my love and processed my grief. This blog is a collection of my thoughts on stillbirth, child loss, mental health after loss, pregnancy & parenting after loss, grief positivity, and grief support.

If you enjoy these pieces, you may also be interested in posts written as part of the Write Your Grief program, and/or in downloadable graphics available in the graphics blog. I have also written for other magazines, including Scary Mommy, Pregnancy After Loss Support Magazine, and Love What Matters.

Thank you for being here 💙
Miranda Hernandez, Adrian’s Mother

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2021 Blog Posts

2020 Blog Posts

"It doesn't always have to be a NEW beginning." overlaid on the Adrian's Elephant necklace photo (Miranda Hernandez)

It Doesn’t Always Have to be a NEW Beginning

Dried wild plants in North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

Growing, Evolving…And Also Staying the Same

Close up of a white flower with skinny pointed petals, taken in Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

The Words We Use Matter

Miranda holding Peanut and Adrian's elephant. Peanut's hand is wrapped around Adrian's elephant.

Illness, Worry, & Reflections

Collage of pictures of pregnant woman and woman with child with title of Preeclampsia & Stillbirth on the top.

The Ways we Discuss when we Disagree

Miranda holding Adrian's elephant on the coast in California.

Go, Go, Pause

Adrian's photo and candle in the Wave of Light, 2019

Wave of Light 2020

View from the top of Waimea Canyon, mountains covered in fog, Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Luna Kai Photography)

What Would You Rather Not Know? (Quora)

Introducing the Sea Glass Parenting community; a community for parents after the loss of a child.

Introducing the Sea Glass Parenting Community

Rear view of Miranda facing the ocean. Miranda is wearing a loose pink shirt and her dark hair is down on her back. (Synch Media)

3 Years, 3 Months

White flowers on a tree (Miranda Hernandez)

The Phone Call you Never Expect to Receive; Supporting a Loved One After the Loss of a Child

Screenshot of Scary Mommy Article "Sharing Pictures Of My Stillborn Son Is Not 'Gross'" with a photo of Adrian and Miranda in the background.

The First Real Byline—Published in Scary Mommy

Sharing about my deceased child doesn't mean that I'm stuck or broken or even that I am hurting. It simply means I am a parent.

These are MY Words—Plagiarism in the Child Loss Community

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan established 15 October as Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day | In honor of all children lost too soon, please consider lighting a candle from 7-8pm in your local time zone. This will create a "wave of light" that travels around the world. |  Learn more about pregnancy & infant loss and how to support a bereaved family in your life: https://AdrianJamesHernandez.com

Getting ready for Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

The Worst Part of Child Loss | Miranda holding Adrian's photo in the mountains of Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)

The Worst Part

Miranda's maternity photo with Peanut. Adrian's footprints are visible in the tattoo on Miranda's ribs (Two Little Starfish)

10 Things I Learned About Pregnancy After Loss (Pursue Today)

Palm tree over the ocean in late afternoon in Kaua'i, Hawai'i (MIranda Hernandez)

The grief of not getting what you didn’t want anyway

Woman using a fetal doppler at home (Trendsetter images)

Why I Support Banning Home Fetal Dopplers (Quora)

Orange wildflowers at Lake Tahoe (Miranda Hernandez)

It’s Always 29 June; Integration in Grief

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast (Synch Media)

1 June 2020

Blue dawnflowers at St Katharines’s Parmoor, Buckinghamshire, England (Miranda Hernandez)

Why I Didn’t “Just Adopt”

Miranda with Adrian's elephant and Peanut's mermaid in the hospital (Sarah Perry Photography)

The Whirlwind of Pregnancy and Delivery After Loss

Mother's Day message from AdrianJamesHernandez.com

Mother’s Day 2020

Peanut with Adrian's Elephant

Cranky

Dark red flowers in shadow in front of a bright window (Miranda Hernandez)

The Problem With Positivity

Wildflowers in South Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

There But for Grace

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant

Perspective

Heart in the sand, Esquimalt Lagoon, Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

Daydreams

Close-up image of spiky pink flower. Flower ihas both dark pink and light pink petals, and a peach center. The background is blurred. Taken in Assiniboine Park, Winnipeg, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

Why I Choose to Share Photos of My Dead Child on Social Media

Still water on the Haruru Falls trail, Waitanga, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

What is the Worst Sound in the World? (Quora)

Bench on the shore of South Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

Re-Evaluation & New Priorities after the Death of a Child

2019 Blog Posts

Cliff overlooking the ocean on a clear day (Miranda Hernandez)

Survivor’s Bias

Sunset over the Bay of Islands, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

Tone

View from a butterfly cut-out, Assiniboine Park, Winnipeg, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

Adrian’s Elephant Official Comment Policy, aka Things Not to Say To or About a Bereaved Parent

Waves on Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

I Fail at Grief Olympics

Safe pregnancy booth providing resources on safe and informed pregnancy and stillbirth prevention

Preventing Stillbirth Starts With Outreach

Wildflowers over Te Ti Bay (Miranda Hernandez)

“It’s Not Your Fault”

Pylons under a pier in California (Miranda Hernandez)

Why you shouldn’t ask a bereaved parent if they plan to “try again”

Found art of the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

From one mother to another: A letter to the pregnant mother from one who is bereaved

Famous rock formation in the Bay of Islands, New Zealand. The feature is called Piercy Island, and is known for the "Hole in the Rock," but it looks like an elephant to me (Miranda Hernandez)

Elephants and Well-Meaning Words – “It’s not your fault”

Sunset over Lake Tahoe (Miranda Hernandez)

Stillbirth and Statistics: What Does it Mean to be “Rare”?

Tree branches over the Kawai'i coast (Miranda Hernandez)

Imagination

California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

Sea Lions

Adrian's Elephant and Peanut's Mermaid

More Than One Spectrum

Tree limbs over a pond (Miranda Hernandez)

Awareness Isn’t Enough – Preventing Suicide Starts with Understanding

Adrian's Elephant in his and Peanut's car seat

Baggage

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast

17 August 2019

Flowers on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

The Things We Don’t Want to be True; Separating Victims of Tragedy from Ourselves

Empty storage container (Miranda Hernandez)

Sleepless

Quarters on tile (Miranda Hernandez)

Charlie’s Accident

Draft email (Miranda Hernandez)

Two Birthdays

Bench on the shore of Lake Michigan, Chicago (Miranda Hernandez)

The bluntness I wish I could share where it’s needed

Adrian and Elephant

A Letter to My Son on His Second Birthday

Literature about tracking fetal movements (Miranda Hernandez)

#MovementsMatter, Today and Always

Peanut's feet with Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

First

Fenced walkway at Hatley Castle, Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

Paperwork and Taxes

Peanut and Adrian's Elephant (Sarah Perry Photography)

Pregnancy after Loss & Peanut’s Birth Story

Miranda with Adrian's Elephant and Peanut's Mermaid (4th Trimester Bodies Project)

Third Mother’s Day

Daisies in San Juan Capistrano, California (Miranda Hernandez)

From one mother to another; a letter to the recently bereaved

Ariel view of the Bay of Islands, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

When you’re going through tough times, remember that life is about so much more than feel-good messages you read online

Mountains of Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

Warning Signs Prior to Adrian’s Stillbirth

Fog on the ocean in Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

Sometimes I DO want to give up, and you can’t “fix” that

A duck and its reflection, Assiniboine Park, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

My experience with the 4th Trimester Bodies Project

Full moon on a dark night, with clouds in front of the moon (Miranda Hernandez)

Midnight; Memories of Loss & Grief

Trees along the shore of Lake Michigan, Chicago

Pregnancy After Loss; A Parable

Flowers at St Katharines's Parmoor, Buckinghamshire, England (Miranda Hernandez)

My experience as a pseudo-rainbow baby

Sunset on the California Coast

“Strong”

Close up image of out-of-focus lamp. The aperture has been opened wide to over-expose the image (Miranda Hernandez)

Understanding

Valerian flowers in Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

Why I track fetal movement religiously with my second pregnancy

Orchid cactus flowers in the gardens at San Juan Bautista

Dear Nature-Based Childbirth Educator

Fence on the shore of Lake Michigan, Chicago

Perspective of a Non-Believer Following the Death of a Child (Quora)

View of the beach in Monterey Bay, California

Pleasant Surprise

Close up image of a sundial in Hatley Park, Victoria, British Columbia. The sundial is weathered and made of gray stone. There are trees with pink blossoms in the background (Miranda Hernandez)

Why Getting Pregnant Easily Isn’t a Gift

Pier at Mission Bay Park, San Diego

Boomerang

Pier in Paihia, New Zealand

A Letter to My Mental Health Coordinator

Waves in Monterey Bay, California

The Slowest Kind of Panic

Sunrise in Kaua'i. Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

Is Stillbirth really “Rare”? What does “Rare” even Mean?

Close up of a daisy (Miranda Hernandez)

“If She Dies, I Die”; Grey’s Anatomy, Life, & Echoes of Grief in Pregnancy After Loss

Bridge on the Haruru Falls trail, Waitanga, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

The Fork in the Road

Bench on the Monterey Bay Coastal Trail

Grieving My Child Without God

Mount Douglas Park Trail, Victoria, British Columbia

This Timeline

Close-up black and white image of Miranda's pregnant belly in a field of wildflowers. The view is focused on the right side of Miranda's belly, and Adrian's footprint tattoo is visible at the top left of the photo. (Two Little Starfish)

Echoes; Reminders & Memories in Pregnancy After Loss

Virginsbower flowers in Hatley Park, Victoria, British Columbia. The flowers take up the bottom left of the image, and there are out-of-focus trees in the background (Miranda Hernandez)

It’s Not About the Sunscreen

Ruins of Cannery Row 1, Monterey, California

Necessary Fear

Sunset over Koloa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

Death and Taxes – Why the Federal Government Doesn’t Consider My Stillborn Son to be a Human Being

Miranda's maternity photo (Two Little Starfish)

Why I am celebrating every moment of this current pregnancy

California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

Please stop telling me everything is going to be “fine”

Amy Anne sitting on Miranda's bed, next to Adrian's ultrasound photos, Miranda's pregnant belly in the background (Modern Lux Photography)

The Story of Amy Anne

Easter Lily flower (Miranda Hernandez)

Claddagh Ring

Adrian's Elephant and Peanut's Mermaid

My Daughter is Not a Rainbow; My Son was Not a Storm

View of a small rocky island in the Bay of Islands, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

Yoga on a Saturday

Rustic staircase carved into a trail in the Bay of Islands, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

Hard Day

Rear view of a wooden bench looking out over Victoria, British Columbia at Sunset (Miranda Hernandez)

Waiting Rooms

Adrian's Elephant and Peanut's Mermaid

8 January 2019; Two Years of Memories and Looking to the Future

Pier in South Lake Tahoe, California

Grief Isn’t a Disease; That Quote from “The Interpreter”

Miranda on the beach in California. Miranda is wearing a dark blue and white striped dress and is facing away from the camera. Adrian's Elephant's foot is just visible in Miranda's hands. (Synch Media)

1 January 2019

2018 Blog Posts

2017 Blog Posts

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