I dreamt of him before he was real. I dreamt that he was a he. I dreamt of holding him while he stared at me with eyes that were fully aware, like an adult. I always thought those dreams were strange, before. Now I don’t know what I think.
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was packing a bag to go to the Magic Kingdom when I realized I was late. I was ecstatic; immediately excited; already looking forward to life with my child.
His existence was the most beautiful gift. His absence is an ever-present pain. And we talk about things like anniversaries and birthdays, but I think sometimes it’s these random moments when your life completely changes.
I was literally on my way to Disney World. And that moment is burned in my mind now; that moment when I realized he was a genuine possibility. When I realized I could fall in love with a faint blue line, and my entire life would be changed.
My son was a person to me before he ever existed. And in my mind, that is the moment he was born.