I had an encounter with a fellow loss parent tonight. She was responding to the post of someone who was actively going through a miscarriage, and her words were “recover and do it again.”
I can’t even right now. I can only imagine how I would have reacted if someone had said those words to me, on the exact day I was having to say goodbye, permanently, to my son.
I think something we maybe forget about is that we aren’t all going to react to the same situations in the same way. And that’s okay! It’s okay if you had a miscarriage and didn’t feel like it was that big of a deal. That is your right to have your own authentic experience. What is not okay is assuming that because you’ve had a miscarriage that wasn’t a big deal, then someone else’s shouldn’t be either. That’s where you lose me.
The words we use matter. The words that are supportive. The words that are minimizing. If someone asks you for support, like this OP was this evening, it is not the time to tell them anything to the tune of implying “it’s not that bad”. It’s not what you would want to hear if it were you.
I think we are all familiar with the golden rule, but one of the most powerful things I have ever heard was to follow the platinum rule: treat people how they prefer to be treated.
The words we use matter. And if you can’t say something kind, or supportive, maybe don’t say anything, at all.