Commonality and community in loss and grief (Archives)

Commonality and community in loss and grief

One of the things that has continually surprised me is the amount of community and commonality in grief. Regardless of circumstances of loss, belief in the afterlife, or creed, some things feel universal. I am so thankful for the community and commonalities I’ve found in fellow bereaved.

Baby loss greeting card: As much as I hate that the experience of child loss is so common, I am also thankful for the companionship and community I've found with fellow bereaved parents like you. Thank you for being one of the good parts of my new world. - Sea Glass Parenting

As much as I hate that child loss is so common, I am thankful for community with bereaved parents like you (Customizable thank you card)

May 22, 2022

Bereaved parents call child loss the ‘club no one wants to be part of’. And as much as we hate that anyone else has to join us in this club, we also appreciate the companionship we find here. Use this card to express to another bereaved parent how much you appreciate knowing them, even when you wish you didn’t have to have a reason to.

Social media may have a bad reputation, but it’s helped me in my grief

December 17, 2021

I have a not-so-secret secret. My secret is that social media is an important part of my life…And I’m okay with that., because it’s been helpful to me.

Pink papery flower with yellow center with brown oblong markings (Miranda Hernandez)

Frequently Asked Questions About Therapists & Therapy After the Loss of a Child

March 18, 2021

In conjunction with two beautiful therapists, Mary from Sarah’s Heart and Diane from Diane Biggs Psychotherapy, this latest post is a compilation of frequently asked questions about therapists and therapy, specific to the child loss experience.

A light gray stuffed elephant nestled between sage-green military boots

Identities

March 12, 2021

Someone looked at this website the other day and commented that, if you didn’t know better, you wouldn’t know I was in the military. I never intended to keep this a “secret.” Mainly separate. But how much can you separate of your core identities?

It Doesn’t Always Have to be a NEW Beginning

December 31, 2020

Sometimes I think we can get caught up in the idea of a new year being a fresh start. We look forward to everything being different on 1 January. But will it be? Are we leaving this pandemic and the rest of our lives behind us? Or do we carry these things with us into each new day?⁠

Close up of a white flower with skinny pointed petals, taken in Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

The Words We Use Matter

December 6, 2020

I think we are all familiar with the golden rule, but one of the most powerful things I have ever heard was to follow the platinum rule: treat people how THEY prefer to be treated.⁠ The words we use matter. And if you can’t say something kind, or supportive, maybe don’t say anything, at all.

Miranda holding Adrian's elephant on the coast in California.

Go, Go, Pause

October 31, 2020

Do you ever find yourself in a “go go go!” pattern, and then suddenly realize you need a break? This is definitely true for me.⁠ It’s been a great month, and some days I have felt overwhelmed. I’ve also felt pretty darn thankful. You guys are an amazing community. I feel thankful for all of you.⁠

Introducing the Sea Glass Parenting Community

September 30, 2020

It’s been commonly noted that the English language doesn’t currently have a word to describe a parent whose child is deceased. ⁠I choose the term, “Sea Glass Parent.” It acknowledges both the Broken and the Beauty in my life. It’s a metaphor, and also a piece of unique beauty on it’s own.⁠

Rear view of Miranda facing the ocean. Miranda is wearing a loose pink shirt and her dark hair is down on her back. (Synch Media)

3 Years, 3 Months

September 30, 2020

3 years, 3 months ago, Adrian was born silent into this world. This year, in my year of outreach, I am shouting his story from the rooftops.

An open laptop on a desk with bluebonnet flowers on the right and photos of a mother and child on the left (Miranda Hernandez)

Blogs & Instagram Accounts about Child Loss & Grief

September 29, 2020

Reading other people’s experiences made me feel less alone after my son’s death. The 95 blogs listed here all have at least five blog posts, with at least one written in the past year. The Instagram accounts all have at least 2000 followers or a unique perspective on child loss or grief.

Moss-covered pond water in Assiniboine Park, Winnipeg, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

Facebook Groups & Online Support for Grieving Families and Bereaved Parents

September 15, 2020

One of the best means of support for bereaved parents and families is finding community with others in the same situation. This community can vary across different types of experiences and also through personal preferences such as religion. This post is a compilation of more than 100 Facebook groups providing online support to grieving parents and families.

Sea lions on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

Child Loss Retreats

May 6, 2020

If you have the resources, attending a retreat for parents, couples, or families who have lost children may be a valuable way to devote time and space to your child and your grief.

Perspective

April 5, 2020

We are all living in uncertainty. We are all scared. We are all doing the very best we can. And you have every right to your feelings, even if they seem silly.

Waves on Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

I Fail at Grief Olympics

December 7, 2019

What I found most interesting in my interactions with all of them, was the amount of commonality in our experiences. In how much I could identify with experiences I had previously thought were just mine.

Tree limbs over a pond (Miranda Hernandez)

Awareness Isn’t Enough – Preventing Suicide Starts with Understanding

September 9, 2019

Three years ago, I would have said suicide was cowardly. I didn’t understand, then, how quickly life can change. Suicide may not be an ideal answer, but I better understand the complexities behind the issue now. Awareness isn’t enough—suicide prevention starts with understanding.

View through the plants on the Haruru Falls trail, Waitanga, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

119 – Wed, Jul 18, 2018, 1:10 PM

July 1, 2019

In those early days, most things were harder. But grief was easier. It was always present.

Peanut's feet with Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

First

June 17, 2019

People sometimes ask me if my daughter is my first child. I needed a simple way to tell them I had a child before her, but he died. When people ask me now, I have a simple response.

Sunrise in Kaua'i. Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

Is Stillbirth really “Rare”? What does “Rare” even Mean?

February 15, 2019

1 in 160. That’s the rate of stillbirth in America today. Other countries may be higher or lower, but most hover around similar points. 1 in 160. Less than 1%. Sometimes called “rare.” It’s interesting how we define “rare.”

Grieving My Child Without God

February 10, 2019

One day, someday, I will die. I don’t know what will happen then, and that’s okay with me. I don’t need confirmation or thoughts of reunification. I don’t want to be told my son waits for me in the afterlife.

Bench on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

078 – Mon, Jan 15, 2018, 11:32 AM

January 1, 2019

I think it would be so much easier if I believed as other people believed. It would be so much easier if I could close my eyes and know with certainty that you were listening when I said your name. It would be so nice. But it’s not real.

Hyacinth flowers, Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

059 – Wed, Nov 15, 2017, 7:52 PM

November 1, 2018

In one of my earliest conversations, my friend said something along the lines of, “Of course–there’s something so special about children; if you want to be a mother, then go forth and do.”

Stream, North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

046 – Sun, Oct 15, 2017, 8:09 PM

October 1, 2018

I am thankful for new connections. I am thankful to remember that all you ever knew was love.

Lakeside in Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe, Nevada (Miranda Hernandez)

041 – Sat, Sep 30, 2017 at 8:30 PM

September 1, 2018

One year ago yesterday I drove to the doctor’s office — nervous, excited, and full of such hope. I never expected you to happen so quickly, but I was ready. You were my dream.

26 Feb 2018 – The Nuclear Bomb

February 26, 2018

I’ve often said that those of us who have experienced tragedy live in a new layer of existence. It’s the thing that defines us now, that marks this transition to this separate world. And I almost said “different” there instead of “separate,” but this is another defining characteristic; because the only thing that is different is each of us. Because we are a world inside of a world, and we are the only ones who know.

Birds on the Pacific Coast in California - Feature

22 Feb 2018 – Fuck

February 22, 2018

I wrote a letter to Target a while back. I still find myself walking through the baby aisles, thinking about things I would be buying. Should be buying. I should have a living son.

Title: A Letter to My Fellow Bereaved | overlaid on an image of the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Feb 2018 – I Love You

February 18, 2018

I want to wish you happiness, but I don’t know if you want that. I didn’t want happiness after the death of my son. It felt disloyal.

5 Feb 2018 – Akhilandeshvari

February 5, 2018

I don’t find comfort in the thought of a higher power. It doesn’t do anything for me. But I do find comfort in the fact that other people have also been broken…and they survived it. Which brings me to Akhilandeshvari, goddess of never not being broken.

Commonality and community in loss and grief (Archives)

Commonality and community in loss and grief

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