Fuck June.
May 30, 2022
Fuck June. Fuck loss. Fuck innocence. Fuck memories of a life when I was blissfully expecting the loss I had no way of expecting. Fuck.
Anger and rage after loss
- We talk about grief like it’s a deep sadness, but my grief was and is often expressed as anger. I was angry at the providers who allowed my son to die. I was angry at the people who spouted ridiculous platitudes. I was angry, above all, at life, and how it just kept going when my heart had died.
137 – Tue, Dec 31, 2019, 10:01 PM
January 1, 2020
I caught a glimpse of my tattoo in the mirror the other day. The days move so quickly lately, sometimes I forget it’s there. Sometimes I miss the burning underneath my skin, how it felt when everything was new.
127 – Thu, May 2, 2019, 12:03 PM
January 1, 2020
I find myself living in the world again, at least in pieces. And I railed and I fought and I thought maybe it would be that way forever. And I’m realizing, even when I maybe don’t want to, that somehow I am living.
I Fail at Grief Olympics
December 7, 2019
What I found most interesting in my interactions with all of them, was the amount of commonality in our experiences. In how much I could identify with experiences I had previously thought were just mine.
Awareness Isn’t Enough – Preventing Suicide Starts with Understanding
September 9, 2019
Three years ago, I would have said suicide was cowardly. I didn’t understand, then, how quickly life can change. Suicide may not be an ideal answer, but I better understand the complexities behind the issue now. Awareness isn’t enough—suicide prevention starts with understanding.
The Things We Don’t Want to be True; Separating Victims of Tragedy from Ourselves
August 6, 2019
I think we subconsciously want all parents to be superheroes. From the smallest scratch to the largest mistake, parents are blamed and take on the blame for every misfortune in their childrens’ lives. When we think about hot car deaths, this trend is dangerous. This death could happen to ANY OF US.
119 – Wed, Jul 18, 2018, 1:10 PM
July 1, 2019
In those early days, most things were harder. But grief was easier. It was always present.
108 – Sat, May 26, 2018, 11:02 AM
May 1, 2019
I promised you I’d be okay. I’m really really trying. But sometimes I realize I didn’t know what I was promising.
My experience as a pseudo-rainbow baby
April 2, 2019
My parents never talked to us about their losses, and I blame their generations. (Publicly) holding onto grief was something that wasn’t done. And so this grief was whispered, held tightly under cover, impacts erased before they could be explored. But these erasers only took away the surface.
26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened
March 26, 2019
This is quite possibly the darkest thing I’ve ever written. Please note that the following screenshots are simulated tweets. This is the timeline of an event that never happened.
Perspective of a Non-Believer Following the Death of a Child (Quora)
March 11, 2019
I don’t know where my son is now. I don’t know if we’ll meet again, or if he’s at peace. I know that I miss him with a passion I can’t put into words. I know I would have given anything, including my own life, to guarantee him life on earth. I STILL don’t believe in God.
Pleasant Surprise
March 8, 2019
I didn’t start this website to be inspirational. I don’t think I have the market on stories of tragedy, or redemption. I wonder, sometimes, if my combative and rebellious nature is even useful. I still carry so much anger.
086 – Tue, Feb 6, 2018, 3:52 PM
February 1, 2019
I ordered flower seeds for the backyard. I ordered bluebonnets, though I heard they may not grow here. You should be sitting in bluebonnets, learning to grasp things; starting to smile and hearing me read. I should be reading to you.
052 – Wed, Nov 1, 2017, 8:08 PM
November 1, 2018
Sometimes I wonder if I’m angry and defensive because it’s the only way to protect your memory.
044 – Thu, Oct 12, 2017, 6:52 PM
October 1, 2018
I live with this anger, this endless rage. I lay still in yoga, but all the time I want to scream.
033 – Tue, Sep 19, 2017 at 6:35 PM
September 1, 2018
I was supposed to start work next week. I was supposed to be home, snuggling a tiny child. I was supposed to have a life different than the one I float through now.
Spiritual Feelings & Beliefs After the Death of My Child
June 1, 2018
As a non-believer throughout my life, I wondered if losing my child would challenged any of my spiritual feelings and beliefs. It didn’t. I held a secular funeral for my child, and even as a bereaved mother, I am comfortable with my non-religious beliefs.
Coming Alive Again
June 1, 2018
Crawling out of the early days and fog of grief after the death of my child and rejoining the world is one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life.
A letter to my roommate, who puts up with far more than she deserves
March 29, 2018
Sometimes, I am still a b****. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve any of my anger. You’re just there, sitting closest to me. You shouldn’t have to make any changes.
8 Feb 2018 – Prickly
February 8, 2018
Sometimes I need comfort, and I lash out instead. I am not your typical victim. I am so very angry.
7 Feb 2018 – Tests
February 7, 2018
So many people run away from my questions, but I still have questions, I deserve more than this.
What Happens When a Type A Personality Grieves
November 5, 2017
When a Type A personality grieves, at some point grief becomes her job. She finds old focus and determination. She reads books and attacks her grief with her previous energy.
