095 – Fri, Apr 13, 2018, 10:23 PM
April 1, 2019
I never thought I was the person who counted, the one making marks on tally forms. I never imagined red x’s on a calendar, and a day that both destroyed and created me.
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Adrian lives on in me
20 Feb 2018 – Unspoken
February 20, 2018
I know what you want to talk about. I know how it pains you when others try to chase your words away. It isn’t a question of guilt. It’s fact — if you had chosen to listen, I would be alive.
![It's a common question the bereaved experience after loss, particularly if or when a loss may have been preventable:
"Why didn't you..."
It's also a form of distancing; of inserting a barrier in the conversation.
"Why didn't you [insert second-guessing statement here]?
𝘐 would have [insert action].
…(and so this would never have happened 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦)."
And while I understand why you think or say these kinds of things, I need you to understand how very much your words are not helpful.
It's easy to second-guess a situation when you are looking back on it from the outside. It's easy to think or say you would have done things differently, but you don't know for certain.
Nobody knows how they would react to any given situation until they are in the midst of it. And yet people ask these questions anyway.
Please don't.
~
#WordsMatterInSupportAfterLoss
#AJHGraphics #NotesForTheSupportTeam #WordsMatter #LifeAfterLoss #SupportAfterLoss #HowToHelp #HowCanIHelp #SupportTeam #SecondGuessing #ImSorryForYourLoss](https://859537.smushcdn.com/1874986/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed/img/placeholder.png?lossy=1&strip=1&webp=1)