17 March 2021 – Who I Used to Be

Growing up, life was a certain way. I was driven. I had dreams.

I grew up in a house where those dreams were not welcome, and I dreamed them anyway. I was going to get out. I was going to escape.

Partly through effort, partly through ability, I climbed my way out. I built a new world.

And yet, I think I must have subconsciously felt I still had to earn it.

Did the old Miranda understand that this too was a legacy?

The “old” Miranda. What a silly thing to say. What a thing I might have laughed at back then, because, “People don’t change; they only grow into themselves.”

The old Miranda was a tad bit naive.

And I loved her anyway.

~

I didn’t think I would have anything to write this month. I guess I was wrong.

Posts written in response to prompts from Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief writing program.
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24 March 2021 – Emulation

Seagulls on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

27 May 2018 – Fairytales

Close up of Miranda and Adrian in the hospital after Adrian's birth. Both of their eyes are closed, and Miranda is holding Adrian's hand

6 Feb 2018 – Regret

18 March 2021 – What I Wish You Knew

Memories (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda on the California coast at sunset (Synch Media)

18 Feb 2018 – Memories

22 March 2021 – Kindness…

31 Jan 2018 – Choice

Limp hand holding a cell phone

26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened

Sunlight through the trees, North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

25 Aug 2018 – Amy Anne

19 March 2021 – Where I Live Now

Sleeping Giant Trail 1 - Feature

25 Feb 2018 – That Day

Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park, Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

22 May 2018 – I only write to ghosts. You must be one of them.

A Letter to My Belly (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda making a heart on her belly (Synch Media)

24 Feb 2018 – A Letter to My Belly after the Stillbirth of my Firstborn Child

Amy's collar (Miranda Hernandez)

12 Sep 2018 – Three Dishes

30 March 2021 – Subsumed Grief

Sunset over Arizona - Feature

12 Feb 2018 – Hard Things

Pinecrest Lake 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – The Nuclear Bomb

Julia Pfeiffer Burns Plant1 - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Tests

Palm trees over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Beauty

Chalk drawings on the sidewalk (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Mar 2018 – Someone Else’s Birthday

4 April 2021 – Memories Part 2

Miranda on the California coast (Synch Media)

21 Jun 2018 – The After

Hiking the Sleeping Giant Trail, Kapaa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i

3 Feb 2018 – The Kindest Thing

24 March 2021 – The One I Avoided Last Time

Keālia Beach 1 - Feature

8 Feb 2018 – Prickly

Keālia Beach 2 - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Unspoken

Sunset on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

2 Jun 2018 – Peace

26 March 2021 – Landscape

North Star Resort - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Flight

31 March 2021 – Clarity

Wide angle view of Miranda standing on a deserted beach in California at sunset. She is wearing a pink kimono fluttering in the breeze (Synch Media)

30 Jan 2018 – The Second Death

20 March 2021 – The Absence of Memory

Matthiola flowers on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

26 Sep 2018 – Dear Grace

Title: My Personal Experience with Grief | overlaid on an image of Miranda in Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)

29 Jan 2018 – Grief

The first blanket and baby toy Miranda purchased for Peanut (Miranda Hernandez)

29 Oct 2018 – Baby Things

Miranda with Adrian's First Blanket - SQ

2 Feb 2018 – Elephant Onesies

Miranda on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

28 May 2018 – Planet Miranda

A Letter from the In-Between (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda staring off into the distance (Synch Media)

28 Jul 2018 – A Letter from the In-Between

A seagull over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

9 Feb 2018 – No

Tree branch in California - Feature

5 Feb 2018 – Akhilandeshvari

Lakeside in Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe, Nevada (Miranda Hernandez)

13 Feb 2018 – The Condition of My Heart

Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Time

Sunset over the Pacific 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – Nuclear Bomb Part 2

21 March 2021 – Does Grief Mourn?

27 March 2021 – Community

Sunset over the California desert, with highway signs in the distance (Miranda Hernandez)

1 Feb 2018 – Photos

Lakeside in Incline Village 3

14 Feb 2018 – I love you. Please.

Miranda on the Pacific Coast 2 - Feature

10 Feb 2018 – This is How I Feel About Life

Miranda on the shore of Lake Tahoe, California (photo used with permission)

23 Aug 2018 – Windows

30 March 2021 – The 13th Guest

Title: Grief is a Mother, Too | overlaid on an image of Miranda and Elephant on the coast at sunset (Synch Media)

2 Feb 2018 – Grief is a Mother, Too

Title: A Letter to My Fellow Bereaved | overlaid on an image of the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Feb 2018 – I Love You

Birds on the Pacific Coast in California - Feature

22 Feb 2018 – Fuck

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant

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