17 March 2021 – Who I Used to Be

Growing up, life was a certain way. I was driven. I had dreams.

I grew up in a house where those dreams were not welcome, and I dreamed them anyway. I was going to get out. I was going to escape.

Partly through effort, partly through ability, I climbed my way out. I built a new world.

And yet, I think I must have subconsciously felt I still had to earn it.

Did the old Miranda understand that this too was a legacy?

The “old” Miranda. What a silly thing to say. What a thing I might have laughed at back then, because, “People don’t change; they only grow into themselves.”

The old Miranda was a tad bit naive.

And I loved her anyway.

~

I didn’t think I would have anything to write this month. I guess I was wrong.

Posts written in response to prompts from Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief writing program.
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Lakeside in Incline Village 3

14 Feb 2018 – I love you. Please.

Miranda with Adrian's First Blanket - SQ

2 Feb 2018 – Elephant Onesies

A seagull over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

9 Feb 2018 – No

19 March 2021 – Where I Live Now

26 March 2021 – Landscape

20 March 2021 – The Absence of Memory

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2 Feb 2018 – Grief is a Mother, Too

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26 Feb 2018 – Nuclear Bomb Part 2

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8 Feb 2018 – Prickly

Sunlight through the trees, North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

25 Aug 2018 – Amy Anne

31 March 2021 – Clarity

Matthiola flowers on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

26 Sep 2018 – Dear Grace

Keālia Beach 2 - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Unspoken

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18 Feb 2018 – Memories

Title: A Letter to My Fellow Bereaved | overlaid on an image of the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Feb 2018 – I Love You

31 Jan 2018 – Choice

The first blanket and baby toy Miranda purchased for Peanut (Miranda Hernandez)

29 Oct 2018 – Baby Things

24 March 2021 – The One I Avoided Last Time

22 March 2021 – Kindness…

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30 Jan 2018 – The Second Death

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20 Feb 2018 – Time

4 April 2021 – Memories Part 2

Miranda on the Pacific Coast 2 - Feature

10 Feb 2018 – This is How I Feel About Life

Amy's collar (Miranda Hernandez)

12 Sep 2018 – Three Dishes

21 March 2021 – Does Grief Mourn?

Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park, Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

22 May 2018 – I only write to ghosts. You must be one of them.

Lakeside in Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe, Nevada (Miranda Hernandez)

13 Feb 2018 – The Condition of My Heart

Miranda on the California coast (Synch Media)

21 Jun 2018 – The After

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3 Feb 2018 – The Kindest Thing

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12 Feb 2018 – Hard Things

24 March 2021 – Emulation

27 March 2021 – Community

Miranda on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

28 May 2018 – Planet Miranda

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24 Feb 2018 – A Letter to My Belly after the Stillbirth of my Firstborn Child

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29 Jan 2018 – Grief

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2 Jun 2018 – Peace

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5 Feb 2018 – Akhilandeshvari

North Star Resort - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Flight

Sleeping Giant Trail 1 - Feature

25 Feb 2018 – That Day

Miranda on the shore of Lake Tahoe, California (photo used with permission)

23 Aug 2018 – Windows

30 March 2021 – The 13th Guest

Close up of Miranda and Adrian in the hospital after Adrian's birth. Both of their eyes are closed, and Miranda is holding Adrian's hand

6 Feb 2018 – Regret

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22 Feb 2018 – Fuck

Seagulls on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

27 May 2018 – Fairytales

Palm trees over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Beauty

Pinecrest Lake 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – The Nuclear Bomb

A Letter from the In-Between (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda staring off into the distance (Synch Media)

28 Jul 2018 – A Letter from the In-Between

30 March 2021 – Subsumed Grief

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7 Feb 2018 – Tests

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1 Feb 2018 – Photos

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26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened

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18 Mar 2018 – Someone Else’s Birthday

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