Last Friday the 13th, I was a mess. I had just started school; I was getting used to schedules and rules and people who didn’t know I was broken. I was making an effort and trying to be a person in society again. I’m always trying.
Tattoo honoring my stillborn child
Last Friday the 13th was also the point of equidistance—as equally spaced between the day that Adrian died as that day was from the “beginning” (first day of my last menstrual period) of my pregnancy with him. I thought it fitting, then, that this was the day my tattoo artist had available.
I found her through a fluke. She didn’t often work in my area, but her name came up on two separate occasions. When we met, it felt right.
I also found Engrave Ink, a company that processes cremation ashes into tattoo ink. They have a special process, and did everything with care.
And on 13 April 2018, a day that will always be memorable to me, I had Adrian’s footprints permanently embedded on my ribs. Embedded within me. He lives beneath my skin.
![Adrian's Elephant sitting on a chair outdoors with a Priority mail envelope. The envelope has the Engrave Ink logo stamped on it. It holds the tattoo ink mixed with Adrian's ashes (Miranda Hernandez)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123739/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th01-scaled.jpg)
![Close up of tattoo preparation table: there are paper towels, ink wells, a razer, and a lob of Vaseline sitting on top of a saran-wrapped table (Miranda Hernandez)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123748/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th02-scaled.jpg)
![Close up of the tattoo gun, sitting on top of a saran-wrapped table (Miranda Hernandez)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123747/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th03-scaled.jpg)
![Close up of Adrian's footprints on a table. The footprints were used as templates to create the tattoo (Miranda Hernandez)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123746/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th04-scaled.jpg)
![Close up of bottle of black Engrave Ink sitting on paper-towel-covered table in front of temporary tattoos with Adrian's footprints. Temporary tattoos will be used to guide the permanent tattoo (Miranda Hernandez)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123745/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th05-scaled.jpg)
![Close up of saran-wrapped table during the tattoo. There is a paper towel with ink on it, and 4 ink wells on the table (Photo taken by a friend)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123744/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th06-scaled.jpg)
![Close-up view of the tattoo process. Tattooist hands are wearing black gloves and holding the tattoo gun in the bottom right corner of the photo. The footprint tattoo is almost half-way done (photo taken by a friend)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123743/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th07-scaled.jpg)
![Close-up view of the tattoo process. Tattooist hands are wearing black gloves and holding the tattoo gun on the top half of the photo. She is starting on the second half of the footprint tattoo (photo taken by a friend)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123742/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th08-scaled.jpg)
![Close up of finished footprint tattoo. The two footprints are centered in the frame, and the skin is slightly red around the edges (photo taken by a friend)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123741/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th09-scaled.jpg)
![Close up of healed footprint tattoo on Miranda's right ribs. Footprints are centered in the frame, and Miranda is laying on green grass with a white shirt pushed up above the tattoo (photo taken by a friend)](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/01123740/MS-B-20180713-Friday13th10-scaled.jpg)
Related Posts:
Miranda’s Blog: Echoes
Letters to Adrian: Tue, Dec 31, 2019, 10:01 PM