I used to believe natural ways were always better, and so I followed the natural path as much as possible in my first pregnancy.
And yet, when I talk about my experience with stillbirth in the natural childbirth community, I am often greeted with some form of distancing:
- “I trust in my body.” (You must not have trusted enough)
- “My baby and I are in tune.” (You must not have been in tune with your child)
- “My baby will come in his or her own time.” (So it must have been your baby’s time to die)
- “My midwife says everything is fine.” (Trust in your midwife; they are infallible)
And I don’t know if you realize, but I did all these things that are advised:
- I trusted in my body. (I shouldn’t have)
- I communicated with my baby daily. (He didn’t tell me he was dying)
- I was advised to have an induction, but I believed my son would come in his own time. (Was it really his time to die?)
- My midwife also told me everything was fine. (She was wrong or she lied)
Everything wasn’t fine. Sometimes pregnancy doesn’t end in a living baby. And sometimes there is simply no way to know that there is any danger until after your baby has already died.
And honestly, his death has caused me to rethink so much of what I used to believe about what is natural, and how much of nature is really helpful in our lives. Is nature really this perfect creature we have made her out to be?
Because as it turns out, in nature, sometimes babies die.