Charles Xavier (Archives)

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Charles Xavier

Quarters on tile (Miranda Hernandez)

Charlie’s Accident

I saw his body laid out on the concrete and all I could do was scream. He was 11 weeks old, barely seven pounds. I was convinced he was dying. And it was my fault. I couldn’t lose him too, not after everything else I had lost in my world.

Full moon on a dark night, with clouds in front of the moon (Miranda Hernandez)

Midnight; Memories of Loss & Grief

Pregnant with my daughter after the loss of my son, life is often complicated. Sometimes I can’t sleep. Sometimes I write about it.

Amy Anne sitting on Miranda's bed, next to Adrian's ultrasound photos, Miranda's pregnant belly in the background (Modern Lux Photography)

The Story of Amy Anne

I still wonder, now, if Amy knew what was coming. She was already pretty attached to me. It was hard to say for sure. She and Saki liked to cuddle around my big belly on the couch at night. Some nights I would sleep there. Life seemed pretty good.

Rear view of a wooden bench looking out over Victoria, British Columbia at Sunset (Miranda Hernandez)

Waiting Rooms

I remember that first waiting room after the death of my son. I remember walking in, surrounded by people. They were pregnant and they were holding newborn babies, and I wanted to scream. And now I’m in a different place, and I want to say that I still see you.

Miranda on the beach in California. Miranda is wearing a dark blue and white striped dress and is facing away from the camera. Adrian's Elephant's foot is just visible in Miranda's hands. (Synch Media)

1 January 2019

This has been a long year, and every time I think I’m okay, I find new heartbreak; new fears. I also find new joy. Because the day before I said goodbye to Amy Anne, I took a chance on new life, and I am both terrified & ecstatic to announce that this spring, Adrian James will become a big brother.

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant

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