I’ve never been the person who counted the days, and so the intensity of this month has been surprising. I’m feeling so many memories, like a full body echo.
When I was pregnant, I used to talk to my son. I told him about life on the “outside”. I told him what I had prepared for him, what he could look forward to.
One year ago this evening, I had a similar conversation. I was 40w6d. This should have ended differently.
I remember that moment, lying on the couch. I remember that moment when he kicked for the last time. I wish I had known it would be the last time.
One year ago today, between that moment and the morning, #adrianjameshernandez died.
My son has died. I wish there was a stronger word than, “why?”
I miss you, little one. I will be thinking of you this evening. (Though to be honest, you never really leave my mind).