24 March 2021 – The One I Avoided Last Time

Oddly Inspired by Mother Goose

There’s a psychological construct that’s appropriate. It describes the point at which a human stops taking in new technology. This point is often associated with being elderly, but I think that’s a simplification. There are many elderly tech wizards in the world, for example. Which makes me wonder—what causes this construct, this opposition to change? Is it really about technology, or is it something else entirely?

When I was younger, I thought I was on top of things; “woke”. I may not have understood all of the world pieces being integrated. I still respected them. These journeys are important. Sometimes though, lately, I feel as if I am running out of abstract energy.

And then came Dr Seuss.

Theodore Geisel was one of my favorite people. ‘Sneeches on Beaches’ was one of my favorite books. I remember reading it to my younger brother—him around 2, me reading silly voices even though almost in my teens. And then there was ‘What was I scared of?’ And I should maybe feel silly, but I really don’t, admitting that one of my favorite children’s book’s second main character was an empty pair of green blue jeans. But seriously, it spoke to me. These were the stories I planned to share with my son. These were the books I was excited to receive, wrapped up in cute packaging, back when life was still fine.

And then, again, the world changed.

I honestly don’t know the full story with Dr Seuss. It might make more sense to me if I took time to investigate. The old Miranda would have tried to; I tried to give everything a fair shot. I do feel perhaps embarrassed today, that I simply don’t have it in me. And perhaps more than embarrassed, that this is an argument the old me would have criticized.

Who am I to run out of energy, when the oppressed are fighting literally daily?

And I don’t have an answer here. I don’t know the “right” words or story. Do I throw away all my Dr Seuss books, even the ones with messages of love for my now-deceased child? Some people would say this is the right answer. All I know, in this moment, is that it doesn’t feel right to me.


Posts written in response to prompts from Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief writing program.
Return to Write Your Grief Homepage

Share this post via:

22 March 2021 – Kindness…

Sleeping Giant Trail 1 - Feature

25 Feb 2018 – That Day

Title: My Personal Experience with Grief | overlaid on an image of Miranda in Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)

29 Jan 2018 – Grief

North Star Resort - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Flight

Keālia Beach 2 - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Unspoken

Matthiola flowers on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

26 Sep 2018 – Dear Grace

20 March 2021 – The Absence of Memory

A seagull over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

9 Feb 2018 – No

Amy's collar (Miranda Hernandez)

12 Sep 2018 – Three Dishes

Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park, Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

22 May 2018 – I only write to ghosts. You must be one of them.

Keālia Beach 1 - Feature

8 Feb 2018 – Prickly

Title: A Letter to My Fellow Bereaved | overlaid on an image of the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Feb 2018 – I Love You

Sunset on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

2 Jun 2018 – Peace

Miranda on the Pacific Coast 2 - Feature

10 Feb 2018 – This is How I Feel About Life

27 March 2021 – Community

Miranda on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

28 May 2018 – Planet Miranda

Birds on the Pacific Coast in California - Feature

22 Feb 2018 – Fuck

19 March 2021 – Where I Live Now

Miranda on the shore of Lake Tahoe, California (photo used with permission)

23 Aug 2018 – Windows

Limp hand holding a cell phone

26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened

Miranda on the California coast (Synch Media)

21 Jun 2018 – The After

Miranda with Adrian's First Blanket - SQ

2 Feb 2018 – Elephant Onesies

A Letter to My Belly (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda making a heart on her belly (Synch Media)

24 Feb 2018 – A Letter to My Belly after the Stillbirth of my Firstborn Child

Sunset over the Pacific 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – Nuclear Bomb Part 2

31 March 2021 – Clarity

Lakeside in Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe, Nevada (Miranda Hernandez)

13 Feb 2018 – The Condition of My Heart

30 March 2021 – The 13th Guest

Hiking the Sleeping Giant Trail, Kapaa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i

3 Feb 2018 – The Kindest Thing

Wide angle view of Miranda standing on a deserted beach in California at sunset. She is wearing a pink kimono fluttering in the breeze (Synch Media)

30 Jan 2018 – The Second Death

Julia Pfeiffer Burns Plant1 - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Tests

4 April 2021 – Memories Part 2

Sunlight through the trees, North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

25 Aug 2018 – Amy Anne

31 Jan 2018 – Choice

Chalk drawings on the sidewalk (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Mar 2018 – Someone Else’s Birthday

Sunset over the California desert, with highway signs in the distance (Miranda Hernandez)

1 Feb 2018 – Photos

30 March 2021 – Subsumed Grief

Close up of Miranda and Adrian in the hospital after Adrian's birth. Both of their eyes are closed, and Miranda is holding Adrian's hand

6 Feb 2018 – Regret

Lakeside in Incline Village 3

14 Feb 2018 – I love you. Please.

Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Time

24 March 2021 – Emulation

Sunset over Arizona - Feature

12 Feb 2018 – Hard Things

Tree branch in California - Feature

5 Feb 2018 – Akhilandeshvari

Memories (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda on the California coast at sunset (Synch Media)

18 Feb 2018 – Memories

A Letter from the In-Between (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda staring off into the distance (Synch Media)

28 Jul 2018 – A Letter from the In-Between

17 March 2021 – Who I Used to Be

21 March 2021 – Does Grief Mourn?

Pinecrest Lake 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – The Nuclear Bomb

The first blanket and baby toy Miranda purchased for Peanut (Miranda Hernandez)

29 Oct 2018 – Baby Things

26 March 2021 – Landscape

Title: Grief is a Mother, Too | overlaid on an image of Miranda and Elephant on the coast at sunset (Synch Media)

2 Feb 2018 – Grief is a Mother, Too

Palm trees over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Beauty

18 March 2021 – What I Wish You Knew

Seagulls on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

27 May 2018 – Fairytales

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant