Fri, Jan 12, 2018, 2:38 PM

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)
Miranda and Adrian’s Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

I had all these visions of walking around the neighborhood with you, pushing a jogger, being that “fit mom”. I was going to do yoga and baby swim and carry you everywhere. Today, I get winded just walking around the neighborhood.

I looked through our maternity photos yesterday. Sometimes it’s nice to see how happy I used to be. Sometimes it’s not painful.

I’ve told people that I feel more awake now, more present. I think I’m only now beginning to understand what this fork in our road means. I think I’m only just beginning to understand how much I have yet to feel, to miss.

I find myself doing the strangest things. I never would have thought of carving your name into the sea. It seems fitting, I guess, the impermanence.

Alles geht. Even you. Even me.

I love you.

 

 

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