I had all these visions of walking around the neighborhood with you, pushing a jogger, being that “fit mom”. I was going to do yoga and baby swim and carry you everywhere. Today, I get winded just walking around the neighborhood.
I looked through our maternity photos yesterday. Sometimes it’s nice to see how happy I used to be. Sometimes it’s not painful.
I’ve told people that I feel more awake now, more present. I think I’m only now beginning to understand what this fork in our road means. I think I’m only just beginning to understand how much I have yet to feel, to miss.
I find myself doing the strangest things. I never would have thought of carving your name into the sea. It seems fitting, I guess, the impermanence.
Alles geht. Even you. Even me.
I love you.