What to Say after Pregnancy Loss (printable information card)
January 25, 2025
A useful list of supportive phrases to use after a loved one has experienced pregnancy or infant loss.
Show up when your loved ones are grieving
- You don’t have to be perfect when your loved ones are grieving. You do have to show up. It may be awkward, but your presence will help.
Supporting a Loved One after Pregnancy & Infant Loss (printable information card)
January 24, 2025
Friends and family of bereaved parents often report not knowing how to support their loved ones following pregnancy and infant loss. This printable information card is a good first step to provide some concrete recommendations for immediate support.
When the night is darkest, you are loved (Customizable support card)
January 20, 2022
The death of a child often turns the world dark. Download this card to show your loved one you are there for them in this darkest of times.
This fucking sucks and I’m here for you (Customizable support card)
January 20, 2022
Sometimes we need to be blunt about how much it hurts to lose a child. Download this card for a loved one who appreciates outspoken support.
No words will make your child’s death better (Customizable support card)
January 16, 2022
There are never going to be perfect words; words that take away the pain. And so we offer the best words we can: I’m sorry. I love you. I’m here. Download this card to show your loved one you are with them when it hurts.
Nothing can make up for the loss of your child, so I will sit with you while it hurts (Customizable support card)
January 16, 2022
We are often tempted to look for the ‘bright side’ in loss, but sometimes there is comfort is acknowledging there isn’t one. Download this card to show your loved one you will sit with them when it hurts.
I’m not going to pretend to know how you feel (Customizable support card)
December 29, 2021
It can be surprisingly helpful to acknowledge that you aren’t an expert about your loved one’s loss, but that you are open to listening. Download this card to show your loved one you are a safe place to share their pain.
I’m not going to BS you; This Sucks (Customizable support card)
December 29, 2021
People often feel obligated to find a silver lining in every tragedy, but sometimes, there simply isn’t one. This card is a good way to show your loved one that you acknowledge the enormity of a situation that just sucks.
Loss taught me what the relationships in my life are made of
November 13, 2021
It was months after Adrian’s death, and I was sitting on the couch, trying to focus on mindless TV. It was the point after death where sympathy had mostly evaporated. And I didn’t want casseroles, but damn—I was lonely!
Nothing you can do or say will make it “better”…But DOING nothing will make it worse
November 10, 2021
Sometimes people “freeze” after tragedy; unsure what to do or say. And often, there isn’t any perfect thing. But please do SOMETHING; anything to show that you care. You may not be perfect, but your efforts are still appreciated.
Support can be awkward and still be helpful
October 23, 2021
“I’m here if you ever want to sit in awkward silence.”
As odd as it sounds, this is one of the most supportive messages I received after the death of my son.
Your pain is important. Their pain is MORE important.
May 23, 2021
If a loved one comes to you in pain, take a moment and acknowledge your own feelings about the situation. You are allowed to have these feelings. You are allowed to grieve this second-hand grief. But please be cognizant of not reflecting it back on the person who brought it you.
Mirror Reality in Pregnancy After Loss
May 23, 2021
Pregnancy after loss is one of the most beautifully life-affirming and also simultaneously terrifying events your loved ones can experience. If your loved one has shared this news with you, it is likely because they trust you to be there for them, in the bad as well as the good. Be worthy of that trust.
Accept that you feel helpless and you will be so much more helpful
May 23, 2021
It’s hard to feel sad and helpless when someone you love is struggling after loss. It’s hard to sit there in the darkness and support them when they are most in pain. It’s hard, but if you can do it anyway; if you can accept your helplessless and move forward, you will be more helpful than you know.
“Reach Out” or Reach In?
May 23, 2021
There is this trend in modern times, of building all these mental health resources and installing hotlines, but we don’t talk enough about how hard it can be for those who are struggling to pick up the phone. When I was in my darkest place, I didn’t have it in me, most days.
Let me know what you need
April 28, 2021
When the bereaved are deep in their grief, they often don’t know what they need. Please consider offering specific things:
I’d like to bring you dinner this evening. Is that okay?
Would you be interested in a walk in the park tomorrow morning?
A simple change in phrasing makes such a difference.
Acknowledge Bereaved Parents on Mothers and Fathers Day
April 28, 2021
Acknowledge the bereaved parents in your life in the same way you acknowledge parents of living children. Parenthood doesn’t end when children pass away.
You aren’t going to be perfect. Show Up Anyway.
March 31, 2021
Your words may be awkward. You may stumble. You may stick in your foot in your mouth entirely. It’s still okay. What’s important is that you acknowledge the loss. That you embrace the awkwardness. That you show up anyway.
