Seagulls on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)
Seagulls on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

27 May 2018 – Fairytales

Things I Wish Could Be True

I didn’t date for a long time. I thought it was the best choice for me. I thought it was the most fair decision, considering.

I wasn’t looking for anything, and you found me. And it felt, maybe silly, but a little like a fairytale. And I thought maybe there was a reason I had waited.

And I should know better. Because life is not a fairytale. I should know better, because you’re a person, just like me. And I realize I put the weight of my expectations on something that was only fleeting. And now it’s too heavy. I’m sorry it got heavy.

I’m heading into hard times. This is nothing I’ve ever known. And some part of me wants to hold on to you, but we’ve only just met. And you don’t know me. You can’t, because I’m still developing. And none of this is fair. And I want you don’t want to hurt you.

I still wish for that magic wand, sometimes. I still wish for that easy button, or maybe just a redo. I wish I had met you in another lifetime. And maybe he’d be living. And maybe we’d be friends.

I met you when I had just started to live again. And I’m thankful that I met you; there were things I needed to know. But when I met you, I was drowning, and you felt like dry land. And you can’t be my foundation. You have to be your own.

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Topics Page: People & Relationships
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Posts written in response to prompts from Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief writing program.
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