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I started this account because I lost my son, and that loss broke me. It was not only the loss of my very much loved and wanted child, but it was also the heartbreaking introduction to the realities of trauma and death itself, because I simply hadn’t experienced a major loss like this before. It’s life-changing, and it’s given me perspective that I definitely lacked. (Not that that perspective will ever be worth the cost). I need to say something though, because I’ve noticed a trend in recent days. I’ve seen so many posts in loss groups, where people are being hurt by someone else’s grief. I’ve seen so many fellow loss parents who seem to think that no one else gets to have grief unless it is as bad as theirs. I have even been told that I must not appreciate my living child because I feel frustrated and overwhelmed trying to take care of her and do my job from home at the same time. And honestly this makes me angry. Because while perspective is important, it goes both ways. And people are allowed to have feelings, even if you feel differently. And so instead of responding to every post, I am making my own statement here. I want to make it clear that not all of us feel the same way. We are living through traumatic days right now. And yes, I used the word trauma. Maybe it’s not clear, because it’s happened so gradually. It’s not a distinct event like losing a child. But that doesn’t mean it’s not real. And if you are feeling traumatized by any aspect of recent days, no matter how minor, then I want to say that I see you. I see you, and I honor your pain, and I hope that this time is as kind as possible. We are all living in uncertainty. We are all scared. We are all doing the very best we can. And you have every right to your feelings, even if they seem silly. Even if other people disagree. Even if other people have it worse. I still see you. Please take care of yourselves.

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💙🐘💙 Miranda’s Blog contains my thoughts on stillbirth, child loss, mental health after loss, pregnancy & parenting after loss, and thoughts on grief positivity & grief support. 💙🐘💙
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