Sun, Jun 10, 2018, 9:31 PM

Staircase in California (Miranda Hernandez)
Staircase in California (Miranda Hernandez)

I thought I would be sad today. I had to do a sad thing. But it was necessary. And I’m realizing today that for a while, I had forgotten who I was. I had forgotten my purpose. But it found me. I’m writing again. I’m feeling inspired. I’m excited to share your story.

Excited.

I’m feeling excitement.

When I first started writing about you, I felt guilty to feel excitement. I felt guilty in that brief joy and how easily the words flew. The one bright spot in my life was in finding the right words to talk about how much I missed you. I miss you!

And I think I understand it now, at least partially. This missing has a meaning. It speaks to how I love you. How I will always love you.

So I write today. I write for your memory. I write for myself, the one left behind. I write for the person I was long before you. I write in her memory. I write for this time.

I thought I would be sad today. I am; more than I realized. I am sad, and I am lonely, and I love and I miss you. And. I’m feeling lots of “and.” I’m feeling more of the world. And it’s hard, and I’m still trying.

I saw a baby in a restaurant today. He was young, maybe about where you would be. I see you in him. I see you in everything.

I promised you I would be okay. I promised you, and I’m trying.

I love you.

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