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Desire

Desire - Burning candle at St Katharines’s Parmoor, Buckinghamshire, England (Miranda Hernandez) — Burning candle at St Katharines’s Parmoor, Buckinghamshire, England (Miranda Hernandez)

If you were to ask what I desire most in the world, besides my son, my answer would be time. Time to grieve, time to process, time to be very still.

💙🐘💙 Miranda’s Blog contains my thoughts on stillbirth, child loss, mental health after loss, pregnancy & parenting after loss, and thoughts on grief positivity & grief support. 💙🐘💙
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Visit our sister site: Plain Talk Pregnancy – Evidence Based; Human-Oriented

The words no one should ever have to write, and th

The words no one should ever have to write, and the most beautiful thing no one should ever have to need to own. #LifeIsStrangelyComplicatedlyBeautiful

A while ago I posted in my stories a picture of a

A while ago I posted in my stories a picture of a bracelet set I received in a subscription box. I'm not normally fond of the jewelry I receive in sub boxes; it's just not to my personal taste. But this one was special--it was a little bit odd, like what I like, and nestled among the beads was a tiny little elephant. I actually didn't even notice him until I had put the bracelets on, and then I rotated them and he was winking at me.

And I don't know, can you call that a sign? Does it count as a sign when something is so common? Elephants, after all, are pretty much everywhere. So I wouldn't call it anything special, though it was special to me.

And then P saw it on my wrist the next day. She's in her mimicry phase lately and she wants to do everything Mama does. I thought it would be cute to let her wear them while I was watching. And like any curious child, she tugged a bit on the elastic, and the elephant bracelet broke.

And please understand I'm not mad! I think I was sad for a moment, but honestly, it's okay. I collected all the beads, and I will probably hold on to them, but it's really not a big deal that it's broken. (It also reminds me of the sand dollar incident from 3 years ago, but that's another story)

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about is the concept of fate, or "meant to be". I think if I believed in that, I might be more upset right now. I think if we believe in fate, it can cause us to look at events in a symbolic light, and maybe take things a little more hard when they go wrong. Or maybe try to find meaning in the random tragedies that fill our lives. Was Adrian *meant* to die? Was P *meant* to be an only child? I can't believe these things. And honestly, even if they are true, then to what purpose? It makes fate sounds quite cruel.

So no, I don't believe things in life are "#meanttobe". I think that concept ignores our tragedies and also our agencies. I think, overall, it minimizes. And our lives are worth so much more than that. Adrian's life is worth so much more than that.

P.S. I still love wearing my remaining bracelet.

#AJHGraphics #ThingsMirandaBelieves #10ThingsIBelieveAboutLossAndGrief #GriefQuotes #GriefMemes

When I was overdue with my son, I did a lot of wal

When I was overdue with my son, I did a lot of walking. I swam in my friend's pool, and went shopping with my sister. I showed her around the nursery and pointed out everything prepared and waiting for my son to come home. And then on the morning I hit 41 weeks, I went to the doctor for a routine check up, and found out my son had died. ⁠
⁠
And I will always wish someone had told me, like I am now telling you—The risk of stillbirth increases for every day a pregnancy proceeds past 39 weeks. And there is NO birth story more valuable than having your child come home, alive.⁠
⁠
#safepregnancy #informedpregnancy #evidencebasedpregnancy #evidencebasedbirth #overdue #overduepregnancy #duedate #duedatesareoverrated #duedatesaredumb #stillbirth #childloss #pregnancyloss #stillbirthprevention #preventingstillbirth #naturalchildbirth #naturalbirth #naturalbirthing #naturalpregnancy #prenatalcare #laboranddelivery #themostnaturalthingintheworld #theMOSTnaturalthingintheworldisdeath #inductionsaveslives

Sometimes even today.⁠ ⁠ #letterstoadrian #sti

Sometimes even today.⁠
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#letterstoadrian #stillbirth #childloss #babyloss #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #infantloss #pregnancyandinfantloss #stillbirthstory #stillbirthblog #grief #griefstories #griefquotes #lifeafterloss #letterstothedead #lovelettertothedead #loveletterstothedead #imissmyson

Sometimes I think we can get caught up in the idea

I've been rewatching sitcoms again, and in one of

I've been rewatching sitcoms again, and in one of my favorite episodes of Dharma and Greg, Dharma goes on a vision quest to rediscover her authentic identity. If you've never watched the show, it's based pretty strongly around a study in contrasts--Dharma is the easy-going, free spirited "hippie chick" who marries her exact opposite: a wealthy attorney who plans every aspect of his life. And I love how they make it work as a couple, and generally bring out the best in each other. It's a marriage based on balance, and it's generally pretty beautiful.⁠
⁠
But during the episode in question, Dharma realizes how much of her life has changed over the years--while Greg has (somewhat) learned to relax, she's now a country club member, wearing designer clothing and participating in events the old Dharma would never have known about. And for a while, she thinks she needs to find herself again. (Side note--this trope has always annoyed me in tv, but this show approaches it differently...)⁠
⁠
So Dharma goes on her vision quest, and things don't turn out the way she anticipated. And I think that's okay. That's reality; that's life. And this is what I love about the show--because instead of "going back to her roots" and "rediscovering her identity," Dharma comes to a more authentic realization--she doesn't have to. She doesn't have to rediscover her old self, because who she is as a person is ever-evolving. It's okay to make changes in one's life. It's okay to find happiness in things that might be also shallow or mundane. It's okay, because humans are ever-growing and evolving creatures, and Dharma recognizes she is one of them--country club membership and all.⁠
⁠
And this is where I find myself today. Because I am also a growing and evolving creature. I am a grieving mother, and I am ALSO so many other things. And this is where I am today--exactly who and where I need to be. And I am both messy and complicated and also uniquely human. And I love being able to accept that and just be okay.⁠
⁠
~⁠
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There are some new pieces coming soon, and I am so excited to share them with you. Love to my fellow flawed humans. Love to you all <3

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