Many years ago in the Before, my then-boyfriend asked me not to say, “I love you, but–“. As he pointed out, the word “but” is minimizing; it negates the importance of everything that came before. I think of this today, and I realize how much more valid my experience feels when I remove any “buts”. It definitely helps.
“But” is an invalidator
We default to these standard phrases when seeking to comfort others in pain. Unfortunately, these phrases actually make the pain worse..