Reality of life after the loss of a child (Archives)

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Reality of life after the loss of a child

Sea Glass Writing Prompt for bereaved families: One day I would like to… How do you feel about the future? Is it something you look forward to, or something you'd prefer to avoid? How do you see yourself in the future? Is there anything you'd like to accomplish, or anywhere you'd like to see? What is one thing you would like to do or be or feel or see?

One day I would like to… (SG Writing Prompt)

How do you feel about the future? Is it something you look forward to, or something you’d prefer to avoid? How do you see yourself in the future? Is there anything you’d like to accomplish, or anywhere you’d like to see? What is one thing you would like to do or be or feel or see?

Sea Glass Writing Prompt for bereaved families: In life after loss, I feel torn between… The bereaved often feel as if they are torn between different aspects of their lives after loss. If you feel torn, what aspects are pulling at you? Do you find yourself conflicted between happiness and grief, or between moving forward and standing still? What feelings are you torn between? What thoughts? What dreams?

In life after loss, I feel torn between… (SG Writing Prompt)

The bereaved often feel as if they are torn between different aspects of their lives after loss. If you feel torn, what aspects are pulling at you? Do you find yourself conflicted between happiness and grief, or between moving forward and standing still? What feelings are you torn between? What thoughts? What dreams?

We don’t have to meet every deadline. We don’t have to greet every day with a perfect smile. Some days require all of my energy to throw back the covers and put my feet on the floor. And on those days, that is my something. And on others, I have learned to bargain. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are under no obligation to greet every day with a smile

I used to feel so much pressure to perform; to meet a certain standard at work and in life. And the worst part was, the bulk of this pressure was internal; something I demanded of myself. And then my son died, and I realized I didn’t have it in me to keep up with these illusory standards.

Toy bunny sitting in baby safety seat (Pixelshot)

Take Home Baby

I cradled her head delicately, supporting her, and felt pride in her heft, her fully developed form, this tiny human we had created together. “Is this what being a father feels like?” Then I placed her tenderly in the hospital cart, and watched as the nurse dutifully rolled her away.

"It doesn't always have to be a NEW beginning." overlaid on the Adrian's Elephant necklace photo (Miranda Hernandez)

It Doesn’t Always Have to be a NEW Beginning

Sometimes I think we can get caught up in the idea of a new year being a fresh start. We look forward to everything being different on 1 January. But will it be? Are we leaving this pandemic and the rest of our lives behind us? Or do we carry these things with us into each new day?⁠

Dried wild plants in North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

Growing, Evolving…And Also Staying the Same

I am a growing and evolving creature. I am a grieving mother, and I am ALSO so many other things. And this is where I am today–exactly who and where I need to be. And I am both messy and complicated and also uniquely human. And I love being able to accept that and just be okay.⁠

An open laptop on a desk with bluebonnet flowers on the right and photos of a mother and child on the left (Miranda Hernandez)

Blogs & Instagram Accounts about Child Loss & Grief

Reading other people’s experiences made me feel less alone after my son’s death. The 95 blogs listed here all have at least five blog posts, with at least one written in the past year. The Instagram accounts all have at least 2000 followers or a unique perspective on child loss or grief.

Sometimes I feel like the bereaved live in the "real world" and everyone else lives in the fantasy. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Bereaved Live in the Real World

Sometimes I feel like the bereaved live in the real world and everyone else lives in the fantasy. It’s the only way the world makes sense.

Statement: You're so strong. Response: Inside I am dying.

You’re so Strong!

How do you respond to the phrase, “You’re so strong” when you feel like you’re anything but? People tell me I’m strong, but I feel like I’m dying inside.

Sometimes it just needs to suck. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Sometimes it Just Needs to Suck

It feels like we are conditioned to look on the bright side of every dark situation, but sometimes there isn’t one. Sometimes, things just need to suck

What doesn't kill you... ...Still hurts like a bitch. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

What doesn’t kill you…Still hurts like a bitch

We’ve always been told that what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger, but I don’t think this makes sense. Sometimes, the things that don’t kill us immediately still affect us strongly in other ways.

View through the plants on the Haruru Falls trail, Waitanga, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

118 – Fri, Jul 6, 2018, 7:43 PM

I think somehow I felt like I would be healed now, like your birthday would be a healing event. Like I felt about that cruise. I will never be healed.

Periwinkle in Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

103 – Sat, May 12, 2018, 5:32 PM

This time last year, I was still pregnant. This time last year, I was probably settling down on the couch with Netflix and thinking about you. I was always thinking about you.

Bike path in California (Miranda Hernandez)

098 – Thu, Apr 29, 2018, 8:58 PM

I started school this month. It’s been intense, learning to live again inside rules and structure. I can’t get up and walk away when I need to be alone with you.

Street art in Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

094 – Fri, Apr 6, 2018, 11:46 PM

I hear the children playing in the daycare down the hill, and I think of you. Rosemary* is talking. She said the word, “Mama,” and I think of you.

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

077 – Fri, Jan 12, 2018, 2:38 PM

I’ve told people that I feel more awake now, more present. I think I’m only now beginning to understand what this fork in our road means.

Sunset over Victoria - Feature

023 – Fri, Jul 28, 2017 at 5:18 PM

It’s not normal yet. I told March it all feels like a dream, like something that just didn’t happen. I struggle to remember I was pregnant at all. 

Close up of metallic artwork in rustic red blending into blues and greens, found in California (Miranda Hernandez)

022 – Fri, Jul 21, 2017 at 12:18 AM

I say your name. That part is easy. I will forever love the sound of your name, the feel of it in my voice. What I can’t say is what happened to you.

018 – Sun, Jul 9, 2017 at 1:32 PM

I think your Aunt Alexis worries about me. I worry about me. I am going through the motions, but inside I feel helpless. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Koloa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i - Feature

017 – Thu, Jul 6, 2017 at 6:24 AM

I think about running away. I think about starting a new life, where people don’t know, where they don’t stare at me with pity in their eyes.

Miranda on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

28 May 2018 – Planet Miranda

I didn’t ask to live here. I loved Sunshine. I had so many plans. I built my peaceful house there. But my key doesn’t fit.

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