Sometimes it Just Needs to Suck

Miranda Hernandez

It feels like we are conditioned to look on the bright side of every dark situation, but sometimes there isn’t one. Sometimes, things just need to suck

Sometimes it Just Needs to Suck

Downloadable graphics:

Shareable graphics and memes about child loss & grief, pregnancy & parenting after loss, grieving without god, life & authenticity, and informed pregnancy.
Return to Graphics Blog Homepage.

Share this post via:

Notes for the Support Team - Acknowledge bereaved parents on Mothers' and Fathers' Day. Parenthood NEVER ends.

Acknowledge Bereaved Parents on Mothers and Fathers Day

Tragedy is not a one-time event

Tragedy is not a one-time event

Feelings are always valid, - Even when they aren't rational - Even when they are negative - Even when other people wish you felt differently Feelings are ALWAYS valid

Feelings are always valid (B/W)

"Good intentions" are best revealed by changing behavior you've been told is hurtful.

Good intentions

They said time heals. They lied.

They said time heals. They lied. (B/W)

"But you have a beautiful daughter now." Rewritten: I'm sorry for your loss.

“But You Have a Beautiful Daughter Now”

informed pregnancy graphics babies come when they're ready

“Babies come when they’re ready” (3 versions)

"I would never survive it." I never had a choice.

“I would never survive it”

Sometimes there is genuinely nothing to be thankful for.

Sometimes there is nothing to be thankful for

There is no "just" about the process of adoption

There is no “just” about the process of adoption

I'm upset with movies and TV shows for making me think grief was just a phase.

I’m upset with movies and TV shows for making me think grief was just a phase (B/W)

"Be thankful for the good times." …What in the world makes you think I'm not?

“Be thankful for the good times” (B/W)

"Think positive"...I am positive my son is dead.

“Think Positive” (B/W)

"It's going to be okay" Rewritten: It really sucks…and I'm here for you.

“It’s going to be okay” (2 versions)

"Healing" from grief is about as likely as regrowing a missing limb.

“Healing” from Grief

Yes, you can parent a child even after their death. #seaglassparenting

Yes, you can parent a child even after their death (B/W)

"You're so brave." I never had a choice.

“You’re so brave”

Grief isn't sadness. Grief isn't loss. Grief is what lives in those left behind.

Grief is not Sadness (2 versions)

Quote: Sharing about my deceased child doesn't mean that I'm stuck or broken or even that I am hurting. It simply means I am a parent.

Parenting in Loss (color options)

"At least" is an invalidator.

“At least” is an invalidator (B/W; 2 versions)

"Look on the Bright Side." Rewritten: This sucks.

“Look on the bright side”

I think one of the things I've learned over the past few years since my son's death is that you never know what anyone else is going through. Even people who post on social media. Even people who are close. People keep a lot of pain below the surface.

We have no idea what other people are going through

The body keeps a calendar completely separate from the mind. Some days just have to be felt.

The Body Keeps a Calendar (B/W)

If you truly want to comfort a grieving person, remove these words from your vocabulary: "But", "Strong", "Brave", and "At Least"

If you truly want to comfort a bereaved person, remove these words from your vocabulary

If you ask a widow about the worst kind of grief, they are going to say it's losing a spouse. If you ask a bereaved parent about the worst kind of grief, they are going to say it's losing a child. And they are both correct. Grief is not a competition.

Grief is not a Competition (B/W; multiple versions)

Notes for the Bereaved - You are under no obligation to turn your tragedy into something beautiful. You are allowed, todays and always, simply to exist.

No Obligation to turn Tragedy into Beauty

My Feelings are Authentic Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

My Feelings Are Authentic (color options)

Positivity is a choice, and not one you can make for other people

Positivity is a choice, and not one you can make for other people

Dead is not a dirty word.

“Dead” is not a dirty word (B/W)

Public Service Announcement: Back Up Your Photos

Public Service Announcement: Back Up Your Photos

Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. Rewritten: Trauma is not your fault.

“Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility”

I am thoroughly uninterested in being "strong."

I am thoroughly uninterested in being “strong”

Gentle wishes for bereaved dads on Fathers Day. May the day be kind.

Father’s Day

You are under no obligation to be healed not today, and not at any point in the future. It is always always ALWAYS okay not to be okay.

You are under no obligation to be healed

What is safe is not always natural & What is natural is not always safe.

Natural VS. Safe

Prayer Is Appreciated…When it has been invited

Prayer is appreciated…when it has been invited

I don't talk about my son's death because I'm having trouble coping. I talk about my son's death because I don't know anyone else to end up like me. Please don't try to silence me. My story is as valid and as important as anyone else's.

I talk about Adrian’s death because I don’t want it to happen to you (B/W)

Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

“A Stillborn”

how are you? Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

Please don’t ask me how I’m doing unless you’re prepared to hear the truth

Notes for the Bereaved - You don't have to be a noble victim. You are allowed to be a fallible human being, just like the rest of the world.

You don’t have to be a noble victim

Graphics for Child Loss & Grief survivors bias

Survivor’s Bias

Notes for the Support Team - When someone is in the thick of grief, "someday" is pretty meaningless. Sit with them in the hard parts, today, instead.

“Someday” is Meaningless

There is no asterisk to the things that are allowed in the grief experience.

There is no Asterisk to the things Allowed in Grief

Thankfulness is not a cure for tragedy, trauma, or grief.

Thankfulness is not a cure for grief (B/W; 2 versions)

My Experience Going Overdue in Pregnancy (Brochure)

I too used to believe tragedy was the thing that happened to other people.

I too used to believe tragedy was the thing that happened to other people.

I have grown as a person since the death of my son. But I would give up everything I've gained to have not had a reason to.

Growing through tragedy (B/W; 2 versions)

"Grief is a passage, not a place to stay." Rewritten: Grief IS.

“Grief is a Passage”

If a bereaved parent feels guilt or blame about their loss, simply telling them not to feel that way is not a solution.

Guilt, Fault, & Blame

Sometimes, I'm just tired Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

Sometimes, I’m just — tired

Even as a bereaved parent, I still don't always know the right words to say.

The Bereaved Don’t Always Have Words Either

We need to talk about grief.

We need to talk about grief

Forced positivity is toxic.

Forced Positivity is Toxic (color options)

Notes for the Support Team - Words Matter: Original statement: Let me know if I can do anything for you. Rewritten: Can I bring you dinner this evening? Can I help you with the laundry? I'm going to the store this evening; can I bring you anything?

Let me know what you need

Refusing to talk about or even consider that death happens is not going to keep it from happening. Death isn't Rumpelstiltskin. It doesn't work that way.

Refusing to Talk About Death; Death Isn’t Rumpelstiltskin

Notes for the Bereaved - It is not your job to make other people feel comfortable.

It’s not your job to make other people feel comfortable

I can't imagine - Downloadable Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

“I can’t imagine” (3 versions)

It is important to understand that the most "biologically normal" thing in the world is death.

“Biologically Normal” (B/W)

Notes for the Support Team: Children aren't replaceable. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Children Aren’t Replaceable

Notes for the Support Team - Words Matter: Original statement: I wish I could take your pain away. Rewritten: I understand your feelings are important. I would never want to minimize or try to take them away. I will always be here to listen.

“I wish I could take your pain away”

I think one of the hardest things I had to do was accept that grief isn't always overwhelming. Sometimes it just exists, present but not always screaming.

Grief isn’t always overwhelming (B/W)

Notes for the Support Team - You aren't going to be perfect. Show up anyway.

You aren’t going to be perfect. Show Up Anyway.

There's no such thing as "just" a miscarriage.

There’s no such thing as “just” a miscarriage (B/W)

Death changes you…Permanently.

Death Changes You

"It's okay to not be okay as long as you don't stay that way" Rewritten: It's okay to not be okay.

“It’s okay to not be okay as long as you don’t stay that way” (color options)

What's with this expectation that grief should be "reasonable"? Death certainly isn't very reasonable. Grieve however you need.

“Reasonable” Grief (B/W)

Why don't you "just"… Rewritten: Just don't say this

“Why don’t you “just”…”

My pain has a purpose Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

My pain has a purpose

"Positive vibes only."...Rewritten: Authentic vibes only.

“Positive Vibes Only”

Graphics for Child Loss & Grief survivors bias

Stillbirth is “Rare” (multiple versions)

"Healing" from the death of my loved one is about as likely as regrowing a missing limb.

“Healing” from the death of my loved one or child (2 versions)

What doesn't kill you…Still hurts like a bitch

What doesn’t kill you… (3 versions)

Thankfulness is not a "cure" for grief.

Thankfulness is not a “Cure” for Grief (color options)

Quote: You may find it "triggering" to hear about the death of my child. Imagine how much harder it is to live with it.

Trigger Warning

Bereaved Life Graphics for Child Loss & Grief

Bereaved Live in the Real World

"You're so strong." Inside I am dying.

“You’re so strong” (3 versions)

"I know how you feel." Rewritten: I don't know how you feel, but I'm here to listen.

“I know how you feel” (2 versions)

I have the right to feel how I feel, for as long as I feel it, regardless of circumstances or whether someone else feels differently.

I have the right to feel how I feel (B/W)

Dear Prenatal Provider Informed Pregnancy Downloadable Graphics

Dear Prenatal Provider

I miss the days when I still believed all you needed was a good attitude.

I miss the days when I still believed all you needed was a good attitude

You are under no obligation to be healed not today, and not at any point in the future. It is always always ALWAYS okay not to be okay.

Feelings are Always Valid (B/W & Color; Multiple Versions)

My experience feels a lot more valid when I remove all the "buts".

Remove the “Buts” (B/W)

Death isn't something you ever "get over". It's something you integrate, and then integrate again.

Death isn’t something you ever “get over” (B/W)

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant