Children are not replaceable. I know you probably don’t think they are…
I know you probably don’t think you can grab one baby out of a parent’s arms and then give them a different one with no consequence.
(You don’t think that, right?)
I’m not sure if you realize, though, that this is what we are sometimes hearing.
This is what we hear when you say things like:
- “Don’t worry, you can “try again”.”
- “Have you thought about adoption?”
- “Oh yes, I had a miscarriage too, but then I finally got my rainbow.”
- “You know, surrogates don’t have to be that expensive.”
- “Just keep trying!”
Children aren’t replaceable, and I know (I hope?) you already know this. And yet—
When you focus on these other children; when you bring them up in response to any mention of my dead child, you are telling me he or she is not worth talking about.
You are telling me these unnamed future children, who haven’t even begun to exist yet, are somehow more important—
—in this conversation;
—in my consideration;
—in the rest of my life.
You are telling me, most of all, that my dead child’s primary value is in triggering some kind of replacement.
But of course, children aren’t replaceable.
You already know this.
Notes for the Support Team:
Children. Aren’t. Replaceable.
Please consider the impact of your words before you talk about things like subsequent children or adoption.