Sometimes Bad Things Happen
April 17, 2022
Sometimes bad things happen. We don’t like to think about it, but they do. And focusing only on the happy endings isn’t helpful for anyone.
power of authenticity
It wasn’t your fault
June 1, 2021
If you truly want to support someone who feels guilt, fault, or blame after the death of their child, then listen, acknowledge, and mirror back to them. This is so much more powerful and authentic than any glib phrase. Please don’t tell them “It wasn’t your fault”
He/She wouldn’t want you to be sad
May 31, 2021
“He wouldn’t want you to be sad”—This is ridiculously untrue. Instead of telling the bereaved how to feel, or worse yet, speaking for the deceased, consider honoring both the life and the grief. Like any other authentic emotion, it is ALWAYS okay to be sad, especially after a death.
You can’t order someone to feel a certain way
May 23, 2021
Simply telling someone not to feel a certain way will never have the desired result. Instead, ask questions about their feelings. Acknowledge and understand without trying to change.
Scripts for Bereaved Parents & Families; How to Respond to Hurtful Comments
March 14, 2021
When I was new in my grief, there were a number of situations where people said or did something and I wanted to respond, but I just didn’t have the words. Now that I am further out, I have put together a set of potential scripts to use in these situations.
Sometimes there is genuinely nothing to be thankful for
September 15, 2020
Sometimes, no matter how hard we look, there is genuinely nothing to be thankful for. That’s not a failing in our perception; it’s just life.
My feelings are authentic and I own them completely
August 6, 2020
I’ve been running into a trend recently when I talk about Adrian’s death, especially when I share more “uncomfortable” feelings such as anger or regret. People seem to feel like they need to urge me to find peace or to otherwise feel differently. I wish more people understood the power in authenticity; in feeling whatever and however one needs.
Please don’t ask me how I’m doing unless you’re prepared to hear the truth
July 27, 2020
I never really considered that question, “How are you?” until after the death of my son. And then it became the bane of my day. Please don’t ask me how I’m doing unless you’re prepared to hear the truth
The grief of not getting what you didn’t want anyway
July 19, 2020
Life is full of choices, and we aren’t required to all choose the same way. It can still be hard sometimes, to lose the option of choice. This is still grief.
“Positive Vibes Only”
July 10, 2020
“Positive vibes only” sounds like a great message, but it unfortunately acts as erasure of the full emotional spectrum. Authenticity is always preferable.
Sometimes it Just Needs to Suck
June 27, 2020
It feels like we are conditioned to look on the bright side of every dark situation, but sometimes there isn’t one. Sometimes, things just need to suck
Everything is going to be fine
June 19, 2020
When someone you love is in pain, it’s natural to want to comfort them; to reassure them that everything will be okay. Unfortunately, when you are dealing with permanent changes like death, sometimes this simply isn’t the case.
