
Mental health after loss is an important subject. From postpartum mood disorders or “complicated grief syndrome” to suicidal feelings or desire for self harm, there are multiple mental factors that can be expressed after loss. This page discusses those.
Please note — for more than a year after my loss, I personally experienced suicidal feelings. I do not currently feel those things, but this page does openly discuss them because I think it’s an important subject.

31 Jan 2018 – Choice
When my son died, it tore a hole inside of me. It re-framed all of my thoughts about death.

22 Feb 2018 – Fuck
I wrote a letter to Target a while back. I still find myself walking through the baby aisles, thinking about things I would be buying. Should be buying. I should have a living son.

009 – 33w2d
This week was hard, but it put some things into perspective for me. I’m going to meet you soon, and our lives are about to change in the most wonderful way.

28 Jul 2018 – A Letter from the In-Between
I’m not actively suicidal, but I’m realizing this is the beginning. This is the in-between stage; this is where it starts.

027 – Mon, Aug 14, 2017 at 12:15 PM
I look out the door of our cabin and think how easy it would be. I could just jump. It scares me.

032 – Mon, Sep 18, 2017 at 9:24 PM
There’s a place apart from suicide. A place where you don’t think to cause yourself harm, but neither do you have reason to live.

“If She Dies, I Die”
I’ve been thinking a lot about the most recent episode of Grey’s Anatomy. There’s been a number of interesting storylines these past few seasons, and this was one of them. The story centered around a couple, kept from their wedding day because of an injury to the bride. For three months, the groom, Garrett, sat Read more

26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened
This is quite possibly the darkest thing I’ve ever written. Please note that the following screenshots are simulated tweets. This is the timeline of an event that never happened.

Awareness Isn’t Enough
If you had asked me three years ago, I would have said suicide was cowardly. I didn’t understand, then, how quickly life can change, or how little we control. I don’t believe suicide is ever an answer, but I better understand the complexities behind the issue now.

Sea Lions
I don’t believe that life’s “plan” could ever include so much heartache. None of these things are worth it, or part of my reward for waiting.