We are conditioned in our modern society to look for the silver lining in every crappy day. For some things, this is fine. But when it comes to extreme loss and pain, there often isn’t a silver lining, or bright side.
Some things just suck. Period.
Instead of asking the bereaved to find that silver lining, consider sitting with them in acknowledgement of their very genuine pain.
You might be surprised at how much that helps.
Notes for the Support Team – Words Matter:
Original statement: Look on the bright side.
Rewritten: I know that nothing can lessen or make up for this enormous loss, and so I won’t try to point you to any bright side. Instead I will simply be here. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Related Posts:
Miranda’s Blog: When you’re going through tough times, remember that life is about so much more than feel-good messages you read online
Miranda’s Blog: The Phone call you never expect to receive; Supporting a loved one after the loss of a child
Miranda’s Blog: Not Okay
Miranda’s Blog: I Drink a Lot of Tea
Downloadable graphics for “Words Matter: Look on the bright side”:
![Sea Glass Parenting Baby Loss Remembrance print: "[Insert name] I would the sky with your name if I could" in white lettering on a background of dark blue and purple starry sky](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/25120211/SGPrintFlat-I-Would-Paint-The-Sky-With-Your-Name-If-I-Could-1.jpg)
![Birthday wishes after death card: Thinking of you with love on your child's Birthday. [Blank inside.] - Sea Glass Parenting](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/26130137/SGPCardFlat-Thinking-Of-You-On-Your-Childrens-Birthday-Envelope-Heart-Blank-Inside-IG-12.jpg)
![This random act of kindness performed in memory of : [fill in the blank]. Please pass the kindness along to help keep their memory alive.](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/18095256/Act-Of-Kindness-In-Memory-Of-Card-2.png)
![Birthday message for deceased child card: Happy Birthday, [Fill in name]. I love you - Sea Glass Parenting](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/26130207/SGPCardFlat-Happy-Birthday-I-Love-You-Fill-In-Name-Birthday-Cake-IG-8.jpg)
!["This is my [Fill in the Blank] Mother's Day. Thank you for remembering and honoring my child and my motherhood this year" in blue text inside a white circle surrounded by a yellow abstract design. Five pink and green flowers surround the image.](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/27094844/4.png)
![The month of October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. Honoring all children lost too soon, including my child: [fill in the blank] - Sea Glass Parenting](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/30130345/Pregnancy-And-Infant-Loss-Awareness-Month-In-Honor-Of-My-Child-1-3.jpg)
![Baby loss greeting card: In honor of the birthday of [fill in the blank], I have made a donation to [fill in the blank] - Sea Glass Parenting](https://adrianselephantpanda2.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/22174434/SGPCardFlat-In-Honor-Of-Your-Childs-Birthday-I-Made-A-Donation-To-IG-9.jpg)
