Children. Aren’t. Replaceable

Children are not replaceable. I know you probably don’t think they are…⁠
(Do you?)⁠⁠

I know you probably don’t think you can grab one baby out of a parent’s arms and then give them a different one with no consequence.⁠

(You don’t think that, right?)⁠

I’m not sure if you realize, though, that this is what we are sometimes hearing.⁠⁠

This is what we hear when you say things like:⁠

• “Don’t worry, you can “try again”.”⁠
• “Have you thought about adoption?”⁠
• “Oh yes, I had a miscarriage too, but then I finally got my rainbow.”⁠
• “You know, surrogates don’t have to be that expensive.”⁠
• “Just keep trying!”⁠⁠

Children aren’t replaceable, and I know (I hope?) you already know this. And yet—⁠⁠

When you focus on these other children; when you bring them up in response to any mention of my dead child, you are telling me he or she is not worth talking about.⁠

You are telling me these unnamed future children, who haven’t even begun to exist yet, are somehow more important—⁠
—in this conversation; ⁠
—in my consideration; ⁠
—in the rest of my life.⁠

You are telling me, most of all, that my dead child’s primary value is in triggering some kind of replacement.⁠

But of course, children aren’t replaceable.⁠

You already know this.⁠
(Right?)⁠

Notes for the Support Team:
Children. Aren’t. Replaceable.
Please consider the impact of your words before you talk about things like subsequent children or adoption.

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