Notes for the Support Team -  A good cheat sheet for pretty much any situation in which another human is upset: "That sounds hard." "Do you want to tell me about it?" "How can I help?"  -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

A Good Cheat Sheet for Pretty Much Any Situation in Which Another Human is Upset

When someone we love is going through hard times, it is natural to want to fix things for them; to make things somehow “better”. However, that isn’t always what they want.

When we aren’t sure of what’s needed, the best solution is often the simplest:

1. Acknowledge their feelings: “That sounds hard/crappy/tiring/etc.”

2. Then, be available to listen: “Do you want to tell me about it?”
And be equally available to not listen or to schedule time to talk later if they aren’t ready to talk yet.

3. Finally, identify the thing(s) that would be useful to them: “How can I help?”*

*When I first shared this cheat sheet, one of the comments was that when people are deeply hurting, they may not always know exactly what they need. This is a good point. If your friend or loved one doesn’t know, here is good time to start offering different possibilities:

  • “Can I bring you dinner this evening?”
  • “Can I mow your lawn?”
  • “Do you want to go throw rocks at the beach with me?”
  • Be creative…

And often, once you start offering, they may have a better idea of what would feel supportive to them. In any case, it’s a good way to start the conversation, and so much more productive than the other things people often say.

Notes for the Support Team:
A good cheat sheet for pretty much situation in which another human is upset:
“That sounds hard.”
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“How can I help?”

Downloadable graphics for “Notes for the Support Team: “A Good Cheat Sheet for Pretty Much Any Situation in Which Another Human is Upset””:

Shareable graphics and memes about child loss & grief, pregnancy & parenting after loss, grieving without god, life & authenticity, and informed pregnancy.
Return to Graphics Blog Homepage.

Share this post via:

Info card: "What to Say after Pregnancy Loss" sitting on a gray desktop next to two pencils

What to Say after Pregnancy Loss (printable information card)

Brochure: "Requests of a Bereaved Mother for all Prenatal Providers" sitting on a gray desktop with a black pen

Requests of a Bereaved Mother for All Prenatal Providers (Printable brochure)

Sea Glass Parenting Baby Loss Remembrance sticker: "Missing someone special at our table this year" in white lettering underneath a Thanksgiving meal and a teddy bear. Sticker is on a scrapbook page with an image of a family meal

Missing someone special at our table this year—Baby Loss Thanksgiving Remembrance (sticker)

Original statement: "Positive vibes only." Rewritten: Authentic vibes only. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

“Positive Vibes Only”

Baby loss greeting card: I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel. I am here to listen though, if you ever want to talk or cry or scream. -Always- - Sea Glass Parenting

I’m not going to pretend to know how you feel (Customizable support card)

Notes for the Support Team - Words Matter: Original statement: I would never survive it. Rewritten: I haven't experienced your pain, so I can only imagine what it feels like. I am here for you though, if you ever want to talk about your experience or your child. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

I would never survive it

"I'm here if you ever want to sit in awkward silence" - something good to say to people after tragedy

Support can be awkward and still be helpful

Life is hard, and we are all struggling at the same time. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Life is hard, and we are ALL struggling at the same time

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Explore more of Adrian's Elephant