Thinking of you on your birthday; and all the memories we’ve missed (memorial birthday poem card)

Miranda Hernandez

One of the harder parts of living after the death of one’s child is the absence of memory; the milestones that live on only in a parent’s imagination. This poem expresses the complex feelings inherent in that experience, particularly on a deceased child’s birthday.

Card Text:

Front: If they asked me to describe you, I would start with your eyes. Though I never got to see your eyes; just your long eyelashes. If they asked about your first word, I would have to shrug. (Though statistically of course, it’s almost always “Dada”. ) If they asked about my hopes for you, my biggest hope was always that you would have felt loved. It was important to me that you feel loved.

Inside: I think about these things we’ve missed; these forks in other roads. I think about the life that lives on only in my mind. If they asked me to describe you, I would start with your eyes—At once both real and ambiguous,; unknowable outside of mine. Happy Birthday to my little one. You will always live in every part of my life.

(Adapted from a poem written for Adrian’s second birthday)

Memorial birthday poem card: If they asked me to describe you, I would start with your eyes. Though I never got to see your eyes; just your long eyelashes. If they asked about your first word, I would have to shrug. (Though statistically of course, it's almost always "Dada". ) If they asked about my hopes for you, my biggest hope was always that you would have felt loved. It was important to me that you feel loved. I think about these things we've missed; these forks in other roads. I think about the life that lives on only in my mind. If they asked me to describe you, I would start with your eyes—At once both real and ambiguous,; unknowable outside of mine. Happy Birthday to my little one. You will always live in every part of my life. (Words by Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother) - Sea Glass Parenting

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Additional resources & support for bereaved families:

Sea Glass Parenting; Supporting Bereaved Families in Love & Grief
Resources Homepage for Bereaved Parents & Families
Notes for the Bereaved; Thoughts on Life after Loss
Resources Blog: 30 Ways to Honor Your Deceased Child

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