
Holidays are optional
In case you need permission—you never have to celebrate if you’re not feeling up to it. Holidays are and always can be optional. Give yourself the time and space to spend these days however you need.
In case you need permission—you never have to celebrate if you’re not feeling up to it. Holidays are and always can be optional. Give yourself the time and space to spend these days however you need.
One of the common sayings that has bothered me in the past is this sentiment of, “Just hold on. Better days are coming.” The thing is, you can’t know that for certain. Nobody can.
People are going to feel uncomfortable about death and grief…It’s not your job to comfort people who become discomfited by hearing your story. That’s on them.
It doesn’t matter how far along you were. It doesn’t matter if there was anything “wrong” with the baby or if he or she would not have been compatible with life. It doesn’t even matter how many other children you have, either before or after your loss. You are ALWAYS allowed to feel what you need.
Plenty of people going through loss and grief find themselves struggling, months or even years later, and THAT’s OKAY. Loss and grief are hard. No one is required to overcome their pain or transform their struggles into anything.
Of course you miss them! They are gone, and they shouldn’t be.
Don’t ever feel ashamed for that. There is no time limit on grief.
We can sometimes feel a heavy cultural obligation to find a silver lining in every loss, and to hold onto the adage that there is always something to be thankful for. he truth, though, is that this isn’t always the case.
I was sitting with the patient advocate, and I was surprised to see the tears in his eyes, and they weren’t entirely for me. It turns out he had also lost a child to stillbirth—30 YEARS AGO. And he STILL grieved. Because there is no time limit on grief.
I think sometimes we feel pressure to be only positive, cheerful, and focus on healing after loss. To be honest, this feels like BS to me. I’d rather focus on what may be uncomfortable, but is miles more real.
Pain and grief can make outsiders uncomfortable, and sometimes they may urge you to heal and be your positive self again. This is a reminder that you are always allowed to feel however you need to.
When I was new in my grief, I both gained and lost people…The one thing I didn’t expect was that I would have to remove some people from my life because they weren’t capable of providing support without worsening my grief.
In reality, victims don’t have to fit a prescribed narrative. Tragedy and loss are hard, and real people handle these things in unique and individual ways.
You’ve probably heard that word a lot lately: “You’re so brave; I don’t know how you do it.” And it maybe feels a bit disingenuine. What does “brave” even mean? You don’t have to be brave.
There seems to be this consensus in parts of the loss community that you have to move forward or “heal” from your grief. I don’t believe this is true.
Loss can be complicated. People can be unintentionally cruel. It’s okay to say, “I’m not interested in discussing this.” Your story and your grief belong to YOU alone.
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