Notes for the Bereaved -  You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life for any reason. You are allowed to protect your own peace. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life

When I was new in my grief, I both gained and lost people. Some people who were former acquaintances showed up and became good friends. Some people who I thought were good friends disappeared entirely.

The one thing I didn’t expect was that I would have to remove some people from my life because they weren’t capable of providing support without worsening my grief.

In my case, this included people who:

  • Minimized my loss
  • Told me other people had it worse
  • Used words like “at least”
  • Tried to guilt me into doing what they wanted for me
  • Told me I should be grateful for what I had and stop dwelling on what was lost. (I “lost” an entire human being!)

These things were hard for me. They were especially hard coming from people I thought were important to me. They created a set of circumstances in which it was hard for me to honor my child. They created a set of circumstances in which it was hard for me to breathe.

And then one day, I realized I didn’t have to keep them around any longer, and so I let them go.

And in so doing, I protected the memory of my child and the value of my grief.

Notes for the Bereaved:
You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life for any reason.
You are allowed to protect your own peace.

Downloadable graphics for “Notes for the Bereaved: You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life”:

Shareable graphics and memes about child loss & grief, pregnancy & parenting after loss, grieving without god, life & authenticity, and informed pregnancy.
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Sea Glass Parenting Grief Awareness sticker: "Sharing about my deceased child doesn't mean I'm stuck or broken or even that I'm actively hurting. It simply means I am a parent - Miranda Hernandez" in blue lettering on a white backdrop with a pastel ocean-themed border. Sticker is in the upper right corner of a silver laptop on a pink background

Sharing about my deceased child simply means I am a parent—Grief Awareness (sticker)

Notes for the Support Team - Words Matter: Original statement: He/She wouldn't want you to be sad. Rewritten: It's understandable that you are sad. He is gone and he shouldn't be. It makes sense that you will grieve as long as you need. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

He/She wouldn’t want you to be sad

“Healing” from the death of my child is about as likely as regrowing a missing limb.  -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

“Healing” from the death of my child is about as likely as regrowing a missing limb.

Baby loss greeting card: I love you…so much. I'm so sorry for your loss. - Sea Glass Parenting

I love you so much. I’m so sorry for your loss. (Customizable sympathy card)

Baby loss birthday card: Before I ever carried the pain, I carried you. And in my heart, I carry you still - Rachel Whalen. Thinking of you with so much love on your birthday and all year round - Sea Glass Parenting

Before I ever carried the pain, I carried you. And in my heart, I carry you still – Rachel Whalen (baby loss birthday card)

Know the Warning Signs of Preeclampsia bookmark sitting on a white notebook next to flowers.

Know the Signs of Preeclampsia (Printable Bookmark)

Sometimes it just needs to suck. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Sometimes it Just Needs to Suck

Notes for the support team - Nobody is born knowing how to deal with grief. We are all just figuring it out along the way.

Nobody is born knowing how to deal with grief

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