Loss taught me what the relationships in my life are made of

It was months after Adrian’s death, and I was sitting on the couch, trying to focus on mindless TV. It was the point after death where sympathy had mostly evaporated. And I didn’t want casseroles, but damn—I was lonely!⁠

⁠I messaged a friend, someone I hadn’t heard from in a while. I didn’t have many words then, so it was simply, “I miss you.”⁠

⁠And he called me back instantly.⁠

⁠And we talked for an hour, and it didn’t make the void go away, but it did help. Every little piece does.⁠⁠

~⁠

Contrast this with another friend, one who had sent a message pretty soon after Adrian’s death. She said all the right words, but somehow they felt empty. And she promised to check in with me again…And then she disappeared.⁠

If you are this second friend, it’s important for you to understand: Your absence is noticed!⁠

I may not say anything at the time; I may not have the energy. But when you promise to be there for a person, and then you disappear, you have demonstrated your character. You have demonstrated your LACK of character.⁠

And it also really hurts.⁠

It hurts to know that when life is hard, the people you thought were most important can suddenly disappear.⁠

It hurts, and to be honest, I’m angry with you for making this something I have to know.

Related Posts:

Miranda’s Blog: What would you rather not know?

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