Accept that you feel helpless and you will be so much more helpful

It’s hard to feel sad and helpless when someone you love is struggling after loss. It’s hard to sit there in the darkness and support them when they are most in pain. It’s hard, because we are hardwired to want to fix things and take pain away.

Would it make sense to you though, if I said this wasn’t always the right solution?

Sometimes, pain is important.
Sometimes pain is a message—stop, rest, sleep.
Sometimes, pain is a means of honoring.

When we lose someone we care for, we don’t lose that love; it becomes grief. And part of grief is pain.

Pain is hard, and hard to witness, but if you can sit there with us, anyway, please know your presence is appreciated.

You are honoring our loved one, too.

Notes for the Support Team:
It’s hard to feel sad and helpless when someone you love is struggling after loss. It’s hard to sit there in the darkness and support them when they are most in pain.
But if you can do that—your support means everything.

Related Posts:

Notes for the Support Team: You aren’t going to be perfect. Show up Anyway.
Miranda’s Blog: The Phone call you never expect to receive; Supporting a loved one after the loss of a child

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