Notes for the Bereaved -  You don't have to be brave. Bravery is ALWAYS a choice. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You don’t have to be brave

In case no one has told you yet—you don’t have to be brave.⁠

You’ve probably heard that word a lot lately: “You’re so brave; I don’t know how you do it.” And it maybe feels a bit disingenuine.⁠

What does “brave” even mean?⁠

Is it waking up in the morning without a catch in your throat when you glance over at the empty crib?⁠

Is it packing away all of the baby things?⁠

Is it putting a smile on your face and pretending you’re not constantly fighting tears at work?⁠

Is it telling people, “oh, I’m okay,” instead of more brutal honesty?

Is this what it means to “brave”?⁠

Because if so, I’m not interested.⁠

…Or maybe, the bravest thing any of us can do is the exact opposite.⁠

Maybe the secret behind this bravery thing is living life and grief with full authenticity—ALL of the tears and NONE of the shame.⁠

That seems pretty darn brave to me.⁠

And just in case you need permission—there is STILL no obligation. No matter how you define brave, it’s always going to be a choice.

And this choice belongs only to you.

Notes for the Bereaved:
You don’t have to be brave.
Bravery is always a choice.

Related Posts:

Resources Blog: Scripts for the Bereaved
Special Topics: Grief Positivity

Downloadable graphics for “Notes for the Bereaved: “You don’t have to be brave””:

Shareable graphics and memes about child loss & grief, pregnancy & parenting after loss, grieving without god, life & authenticity, and informed pregnancy.
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Time doesn't "heal" anything, not by itself.  Medical care and self-care can be healing, if desired. Time is only a measure of the length of the process. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Time doesn’t heal anything, not by itself

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Sometimes I feel like the bereaved live in the "real world" and everyone else lives in the fantasy. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Bereaved Live in the Real World

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There’s a stocking missing this Christmas—Baby Loss Remembrance (sticker)

Notes for the Support Team - Words Matter: Original question: Why didn't you…? Rewritten: I have no idea what I would have done were I in your place. I will certainly never second-guess your decisions. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Why didn’t you…?

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