Having lived in several places since my loss, one of the things I have appreciated about the various support groups I’ve worked with is the sense of community during key points in the year. One of those key points is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in October.
If your organization offers a PAIL awareness or remembrance event, thank you for what you do. And if your organization is thinking about starting an event, below is short list of factors to help you get started in planning.
Planning Timeline
The weather is still summer-warm, but it’s never too early to start planning for an October event.
October – October is the official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in the United States (and in many places globally), and 15 October is the official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Events are often planned on or close to 15 October, but can also be held throughout the month.
Evening or Weekend – When deciding on a date, consider whether evenings or weekends would be more appealing to your target audience. Simple events like wave of light ceremonies or small gatherings can be done in the evenings, but more complex events or events with large invitee lists may be best on a Saturday or Sunday.
Deconfliction with other events – If there are multiple charities or organizations operating in the same area, it can be a good idea to deconflict schedules as bereaved parents may want to attend more than one event.
Prep Time – Start planning at least two months in advance for a simple event, or several months in advance for a more complex event.
Budget
Having an idea of your budget can help you decide on location, activities, refreshments, and small gifts for participants. E-invites and potluck-style events can be done for little-to-no money, but even a small budget can help with mementos and other ways to make an event special.
Lower Budget – Low budget events can still be beautiful and meaningful. Focus on electronic invitations and handmade or community-sourced refreshments and gifts.
Higher Budget – Larger budgets allow you to rent meeting space, pay for professional services like a guest speaker or activity leader, or support activity materials, refreshments, and gifts.
Cost to Attend – Part of your budget considerations may include whether you want to charge participants a small fee to attend. A small request like $5 to cover materials for a crafting activity could help to stretch your funds, but if you choose to do this, ensure you have a scholarship option for those with limited means.
Sponsors & Partnerships
Sponsors can help ease the financial burden of an event, and local businesses are often happy to donate goods or services in exchange for advertising or exposure during the event. Partnerships with other bereavement organizations can also reduce the financial burden and widen the event audience.
Local Business Sponsorship – Solicit local businesses for financial sponsorship and/or donation of goods or services. In exchange, offer advertising or sponsorship credit during the event. If feasible, you could also offer future contracts for hospital or charity needs. Some examples:
- Local restaurants may offer free or discounted refreshments in exchange for distributing a flyer to event guests
- A local yoga instructor or grief therapist may offer a free session to guests in exchange for future work with the hospital
- A local craft business may offer free gifts or to facilitate a crafting activity in exchange for advertising in hospital spaces
Partnerships – Consider partnering with other local charities or bereavement organizations to create a combined event. This will allow you to share the costs and potentially support a larger audience.
Fundraising – Fundraising can also help to support your event, or you can build fundraising into your event to support other activities and services throughout the year.
Location
Your event location can range from something as simple as an outdoor park to a formal meeting hall.
Indoor vs. Outdoor – If weather is moderate in October, holding an event outdoors can draw on the power of nature. Outdoor events can be simple gatherings, or more complex events like charity walks. If weather is hotter in October, or if you are looking for a more formal feeling, consider indoor spaces.
Looking for Spaces – Start with spaces that might already be available to you. Hospital meeting rooms or education spaces may be great, or potentially a hospital chapel. You can also try generally low-cost options like meeting space in a local school or library, or a public park. If your event is more formal, you may have to rent a meeting hall.
- Example: The Colette Tisdale Foundation offers an annual “Night at the Races” event in October, drawing a large crowd to fundraise for their charity services.
Virtual Events – For groups that are widespread, virtual events are a valid option. A good example is Florida-based Mera’s Mission, who offers online grief support groups, and streams their annual luminary event to support parents who aren’t local.
Audience
Do you want to focus on bereaved parents and families, or do you want to widen your event to include the larger community? Determining your specific audience can help you to solidify your budget, decide on space needs, and determine what activities or events to include in your program.
Bereaved Parents & Families – Focusing on bereaved parents and families allows you to narrow your event to focus on remembrance and intimate community. Some parents may feel more comfortable attending a small event like this where all participants understand the experience and the desire to honor their deceased children.
- Are siblings or other children invited? – If the event is focused on bereaved families, one item to consider is whether you will include living children. Bereaved families often include living children born either before or after loss, but the presence of living children may make others uncomfortable. If you are torn on this decision, you could consider offering a separate event for families at another time of the year, such as Pregnancy and Parenting After Loss Month in May.
Supportive Loved Ones – While bereaved parents may feel most comfortable with other bereaved parents, it can also often be supporting to include close family members and friends.
OBGYN and L&D Staff – If you are hosting a larger event, consider inviting your medical staff to attend as well. This is a good opportunity to share the emotional impacts of the experience with your staff, and also to show bereaved parents that their doctors and nurses genuinely care.
Open Invitations – Open invitations are great for events focused more on awareness, and/or for events focused more on fundraising to support services. If you do conduct an open event, consider a smaller portion or ceremony just for the bereaved.
Invitations
In this internet age, evites and social media RSVPs are super common, but printed and snail-mailed invitations offer a personalized touch. Consider both if you can.
Electronic Invitations – Email invitations and social media advertisements are probably the easiest way to get the word out about your event. You can also easily send reminders in the days and weeks leading up to the event to keep it in people’s minds.
Physical/Snail Mail Invitations – Although more expensive, printed and snail-mailed invitations offer a personal touch that is often appreciated. Consider adding a handwritten note to snail-mailed invitations, especially if a parent’s loss was recent or within the past year.
Invitation Design – Online programs like Canva offer user-friendly (and free!) tool to design your invitations and announcements. Canva also offers free Pro accounts (normally $15/month) to registered charities and non-profits, allowing more flexibility in designs and access to a larger library of images.
RSVPs – Consider requesting RSVPs, both to better prepare for numbers of attendees, and also to collect information to help you personalize the event. Google Forms is one of the easiest programs to use to collect RSVPs and information. Some examples of information you may want to collect:
- Name(s) of children being honored during the event
- Symbol(s) parents use for their children (common ones are butterflies, elephants, angels, and hearts)
- Requests for songs, poems, quotes, or religious passages to share during the ceremony
Sequence of Events
Events can be as simple as an informal gathering during Wave of Light, or more complex and include multiple elements like craft activities, personal stories, and time for refreshments.
Wave of Light – If you are holding an event on 15 October, is it customary to participate in the “Wave of Light”—to distribute candles to each participant and for each person to light their candle from 7pm-8pm in your local time zone. This meaningful tradition creates a virtual wave of light that travels around the world for 24 hours.
- Special Considerations – If you are using flame candles, ensure you have matches or lighters available. If you are holding an event in a location that doesn’t allow open flame, you can still participate with electronic candles.
Personal Stories and Sharing – Smaller events are ideal to allow time for everyone to share personal stories or thoughts for the group. For larger events, you can solicit a small number of speakers to share.
Reading Poetry, Quotes, or Religious Passages – You can solicit requests during the RSVP process for specific items to read, and/or select some meaningful passages from compilations or popular voices like author Megan Devine and poet Sara Rian.
Physical Activity – Depending on your audience, a physical activity may be appropriate. Consider yoga, restorative yoga, or meditation.
Craft Activity – Crafts are also a means of creating meaningful remembrance tokens. Common crafts may include painting, whether on canvas, ornaments, or suncatchers. You can also offer small craft kits to create common symbols like animals, angels, or hearts.
Journaling – Journaling can be a powerful way of remembering a deceased child and exploring one’s experience. We offer FREE printable journal prompts here and free online prompts here.
Refreshments – If your event will be longer than one hour, consider offering refreshments. This can range from punch, water, and cookies, to finger foods, to a more elaborate meal. If funds are short, consider a potluck-style event.
Programs and/or Handouts
Printed programs can be a meaningful way to create a physical memento for the event. Programs can be simple and short, or longer and incorporate original writings and poetry from participants. Printed handouts can also incorporate names of all the children being honored to be especially meaningful.
Simple Program – The simplest program is a letter-size sheet of paper, folded over on itself. A list of events can be printed inside, and one or two poems on the facing and back page. Alternately, consider printing the names of the children being honored on one of the pages.
Longer Program – A longer program can incorporate submissions from attendees, whether written or visual. You can also offer space to share messages for deceased children. HAND of the Bay Area offers a beautiful program during their annual remembrance event that incorporates many of these elements.
Program Design – As with invitations, Canva is one of the easiest programs to use to design printed programs. You can also use Microsoft Publisher (included in the MS Office suite), or Microsoft PowerPoint.
Other Handouts – Consider setting aside a table with a selection of printed handouts or resource cards tailored to your audience. View our FREE selection of printable materials here.
Memory Table or Wall
Many hospitals offers a memorial space to honor children gone too soon. If your hospital does this, or if you want to start this, consider incorporating additions to this wall during your event. This can be a simple as names on paper butterflies, or more permanent with painted ornaments, etc.
Temporary Community Memorial – A temporary memorial space can be created with small pieces of cardstock cut into different symbols. Parents can decorate one for their child with paint or markers, or simply write their child’s name. The finished piece can be affixed to a nature-themed posterboard or something similar.
Permanent Memorial Space – The same idea as above can be adapted to a more permanent space by using sturdier material like wood or clay affixed to a 3D tree or painted wall.
Temporary Memorial Table – Invite participants to bring a photo, stuffed animal, and/or other symbol of their child to place in a space of honor on a community table during the event.
Virtual or Distance Memorial – For virtual events, you can offer photos of individual painted rocks, luminaries, or paper butterflies to share by social media or email. Still Birth Day organizes an annual event called “Hearts Release” where they collect names online, then release biodegradable paper hearts with these names into water.
Gift Bags/Mementos
If it’s in your budget, offering small gift bags or mementos is a beautiful way to make a lasting memory. Candles, seed packets, bookmarks, journals, and keychains are all good options. Personalized items also add a special touch.
Low-Cost Mementos – Seed packets, bookmarks, and keychains can be meaningful but low-cost ways to provide a small gift to participants. If you order in bulk, you are often able to customize and add your hospital’s logo or a special design for your event.
Medium-Cost Mementos – Candles are slightly more expensive, but can be especially meaningful for the Wave of Light. Personalized options are available from many small businesses (including us!). Journals are also a sweet and meaningful gift.
Higher-Cost Mementos – If it’s in your budget or if you are able to work with a sponsor, some higher-cost gift options are certificates for yoga classes, gift baskets, or T-shirts.
Have additional questions or want to share something your organization has done to make your event meaningful? Please comment below.
