Street art of a heart in San Francisco, California (Miranda Hernandez)

Resources for Friends & Family

Supporting Loved Ones After the Loss of a Child

Street art of a heart in San Francisco, California (Miranda Hernandez)

Resources for Friends & Family

Supporting Loved Ones After the Loss of a Child

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Our culture is weird. Grief is hard, and although death is universal, it’s also something we generally don’t talk about. When my son died, many of those closest to me said and did some really (well-intentioned but) stupid things. I don’t blame them; they were working with what they knew. I do want to make things better for those who follow.

This page is intended to be a living resource to help you better understand in order to support your loved one(s) after the loss of a child. Please read, ask questions, and then be there for the ones you love. The absolute worst thing you can do — is nothing.

Thank you for being here,

Love,
Miranda Hernandez, Adrian’s Mother

All Resources Pages Available on Adrian's Elephant:

Most Helpful Pieces

I also highly recommend reading books or blog posts about the experience of grief, as well as the following external resources:

Learning About Child Loss & Grief

Read About the Experience of Child Loss

Read About the Experience of Grieving in Society

How to Support the Bereaved

This section contains some things to understand for and about the bereaved, and also some actionable suggestions you can do to help.

Before doing anything, though, my biggest recommendation is to obtain consent—despite the best of intentions, support people can sometimes cause unintentional pain when they do something the bereaved family would prefer done differently.

Please use special caution before doing things like ordering custom jewelry or moving or packing the baby’s things. These things are best accomplished without surprise.

Things to Understand For and About the Bereaved

Things to Avoid of Use Caution Before Discussing

Recommended Organizations

Collections of Posts on Special Topics

Title: Thoughts on Natural Birth | overlaid on image of Miranda's maternity photo with Adrian (Modern Lux Photography)
Title: Pregnancy After Loss | overlaid on image of Miranda's belly and Adrian's footprints (Two Little Starfish Photography)
Title: Postpartum Body After Loss | overlaid on image of Miranda's belly in Waimea Canyon, Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)
Title: People & Relationships | overlaid on image of bench in Winnipeg, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)
Title: Parenting After Loss | overlaid on image of Peanut's hands and Adrian's elephant (Miranda Hernandez)
Title: Mental Health After Loss | overlaid on image of Miranda and Adrian's elephant on the California coast (Synch Media)
Title: Guilt, Fault, & Blame | overlaid on image of fountain in San Francisco (Miranda Hernandez)
Title: Grieving Without God | overlaid on image of Miranda on the California coast (Synch Media)
Title: Grief Positivity | overlaid on image of the full moon (Miranda Hernandez)
Title: Grief Olympics or Comparing Grief | overlaid on image of sunset over Lake Tahoe (Miranda Hernandez)
Title: Financial Matters After Loss | overlaid on image of waterlilies (Miranda Hernandez)
Title: Death Positivity | overlaid on image of sunset over Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)
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