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Close up of Miranda and Adrian in the hospital after Adrian's birth. Both of their eyes are closed, and Miranda is holding Adrian's hand
Miranda and Adrian in the hospital (Mama Razzi Photography)

6 Feb 2018 – Regret

Your donor has brown eyes. So do I. I still wonder if yours would have been green or violet or newborn baby blue.

I still wonder if I should have waited just one more moment longer–surely you were only sleeping?

Related Posts:

Letters to Adrian: Mon, Jan 29, 2018, 5:09 AM

Downloadable graphics for “Regret”:

Posts written in response to prompts from Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief writing program.
Return to Write Your Grief Homepage

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Sunset over the California desert, with highway signs in the distance (Miranda Hernandez)

1 Feb 2018 – Photos

A Letter from the In-Between (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda staring off into the distance (Synch Media)

28 Jul 2018 – A Letter from the In-Between

Limp hand holding a cell phone

26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened

A Letter to My Belly (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda making a heart on her belly (Synch Media)

24 Feb 2018 – A Letter to My Belly after the Stillbirth of my Firstborn Child

30 March 2021 – Subsumed Grief

Title: Grief is a Mother, Too | overlaid on an image of Miranda and Elephant on the coast at sunset (Synch Media)

2 Feb 2018 – Grief is a Mother, Too

Miranda on the California coast (Synch Media)

21 Jun 2018 – The After

Matthiola flowers on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

26 Sep 2018 – Dear Grace

24 March 2021 – The One I Avoided Last Time

Sleeping Giant Trail 1 - Feature

25 Feb 2018 – That Day

Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park, Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

22 May 2018 – I only write to ghosts. You must be one of them.

Chalk drawings on the sidewalk (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Mar 2018 – Someone Else’s Birthday

Keālia Beach 1 - Feature

8 Feb 2018 – Prickly

The first blanket and baby toy Miranda purchased for Peanut (Miranda Hernandez)

29 Oct 2018 – Baby Things

Sunlight through the trees, North Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

25 Aug 2018 – Amy Anne

Memories (Write Your Grief) | overlaid on image of Miranda on the California coast at sunset (Synch Media)

18 Feb 2018 – Memories

Seagulls on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

27 May 2018 – Fairytales

Miranda on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

28 May 2018 – Planet Miranda

17 March 2021 – Who I Used to Be

20 March 2021 – The Absence of Memory

19 March 2021 – Where I Live Now

Miranda on the Pacific Coast 2 - Feature

10 Feb 2018 – This is How I Feel About Life

Julia Pfeiffer Burns Plant1 - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Tests

31 Jan 2018 – Choice

27 March 2021 – Community

Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Time

Hiking the Sleeping Giant Trail, Kapaa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i

3 Feb 2018 – The Kindest Thing

Sunset over the Pacific 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – Nuclear Bomb Part 2

Lakeside in Incline Village, North Lake Tahoe, Nevada (Miranda Hernandez)

13 Feb 2018 – The Condition of My Heart

31 March 2021 – Clarity

Pinecrest Lake 1 - Feature

26 Feb 2018 – The Nuclear Bomb

Miranda with Adrian's First Blanket - SQ

2 Feb 2018 – Elephant Onesies

24 March 2021 – Emulation

Title: A Letter to My Fellow Bereaved | overlaid on an image of the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

18 Feb 2018 – I Love You

Tree branch in California - Feature

5 Feb 2018 – Akhilandeshvari

22 March 2021 – Kindness…

Lakeside in Incline Village 3

14 Feb 2018 – I love you. Please.

Palm trees over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

7 Feb 2018 – Beauty

Birds on the Pacific Coast in California - Feature

22 Feb 2018 – Fuck

30 March 2021 – The 13th Guest

4 April 2021 – Memories Part 2

21 March 2021 – Does Grief Mourn?

Sunset over Arizona - Feature

12 Feb 2018 – Hard Things

Amy's collar (Miranda Hernandez)

12 Sep 2018 – Three Dishes

A seagull over the Pacific Ocean - Feature

9 Feb 2018 – No

Sunset on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

2 Jun 2018 – Peace

Wide angle view of Miranda standing on a deserted beach in California at sunset. She is wearing a pink kimono fluttering in the breeze (Synch Media)

30 Jan 2018 – The Second Death

Miranda on the shore of Lake Tahoe, California (photo used with permission)

23 Aug 2018 – Windows

Keālia Beach 2 - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Unspoken

26 March 2021 – Landscape

North Star Resort - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Flight

18 March 2021 – What I Wish You Knew

Title: My Personal Experience with Grief | overlaid on an image of Miranda in Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)

29 Jan 2018 – Grief

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