When people project their own feelings on the bereaved (Archives)

When people project their own feelings on the bereaved

Humans are hardwired to find connection, and so when we see someone hurting, we often want to connect them to thoughts and feelings we experienced in similar circumstances. Sometimes this is hurtful, though, especially when we project things onto the bereaved that they haven’t actually experienced.

Your pain is important. Their pain is MORE important.

May 23, 2021

If a loved one comes to you in pain, take a moment and acknowledge your own feelings about the situation. You are allowed to have these feelings. You are allowed to grieve this second-hand grief. But please be cognizant of not reflecting it back on the person who brought it you.

Notes for the Support Team - Be cautious of projecting your experience or your feelings onto your loved one. Even under similar circumstances, their experience is likely to be different than yours. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Be Cautious of Projecting Your Feelings

May 22, 2021

It’s a hallmark of our culture that we like to share stories. It makes us feel less alone in the darkness & this is only good. What hurts, though, is when someone makes assumptions. Be cautious of projecting your experience or your feelings onto your loved one.

Heavy waves on a sunny day on the shores of North Lake Tahoe (Miranda Hernandez)

Scripts for Bereaved Parents & Families; How to Respond to Hurtful Comments

March 14, 2021

When I was new in my grief, there were a number of situations where people said or did something and I wanted to respond, but I just didn’t have the words. Now that I am further out, I have put together a set of potential scripts to use in these situations.

I know how you feel

June 28, 2020

Humans are hardwired to find points of comparison. It’s how we build community. It makes us feel less alone. In some cases, though, comparison feels minimizing. This is especially the case in loss. This is something to say instead.

When people project their own feelings on the bereaved (Archives)