Graphics Blog for Pregnancy & Parenting After Loss

I think on the surface this is easily understandable, and yet, somehow it’s something I have to keep repeating. I have two children, forever and always.

Adoption is often held up as the “solution” to the “problems” of both child loss and grief. This is an unfortunate misunderstanding and oversimplification. Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is not, however, easy or automatic, or guaranteed. There is definitely no “just” about the process.

I have 2 children: 1 living, and 1 living in an urn. It’s a hard way to parent, & I’m still doing it.⁠ I have moments, though, where I wonder if I am enough for her. Will she understand when she’s older? Will she understand what it means to have a deceased brother?⁠ Will she ever resent him or me?

Pregnancy after loss can be pretty terrifying. Many people worry about celebrating such a pregnancy, for fear of what would happen if the resultant child died. I understand this. The risk and the fear are both very real. I choose to celebrate anyway.

Children are not replaceable. I know you probably don’t think they are…⁠
(DO you?)⁠⁠
I know you probably don’t think you can grab one baby out of a parent’s arms and then give them a different one with no consequence.⁠ (You DON’T think that, right?)⁠
But this is what we are sometimes hearing.⁠⁠

Before my daughter existed, I used to wish I could go back in time and save my son. And now, I struggle with this. Even in my imagination, it’s impossible to choose. I love BOTH of them. And I can’t have them both at the same time.

I am thankful for my daughter and also missing my son at the same time. Both feelings can exist, simultaneously.

If you know a parent with both a living and deceased child, it’s something to be aware of. Because the most supportive thing you can say in that situation is to acknowledge the work that goes into raising and grieving, simultaneously.