The myth of the noble victim (Archives)

Notes for the Bereaved - You are under no obligation to turn your tragedy into something beautiful. You are allowed, todays and always, simply to exist. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

No Obligation to turn Tragedy into Beauty

May 15, 2021

Plenty of people going through loss and grief find themselves struggling, months or even years later, and THAT’s OKAY. Loss and grief are hard. No one is required to overcome their pain or transform their struggles into anything.

You don’t have to be a noble victim

May 1, 2021

In reality, victims don’t have to fit a prescribed narrative. Tragedy and loss are hard, and real people handle these things in unique and individual ways.

Notes for the Bereaved - It is not your job to make other people feel comfortable. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

It’s not your job to make other people feel comfortable

April 8, 2021

People are going to feel uncomfortable about death and grief…It’s not your job to comfort people who become discomfited by hearing your story. That’s on them.

I have grown as a person since the death of my son...But I would give up everything I’ve gained to have not had a reason to. -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

I have grown as person through the death of my son, But I would give up everything I’ve gained to have not had a reason to

November 16, 2020

I think our culture idealizes those who use their loss or pain as an impetus for personal growth. While I don’t object to how anyone else chooses to live after loss, I do think it’s important to acknowledge that no matter how much growth is achieved, it is NEVER worth the cost. I would certainly give it all up to have my son at home.

You are under no obligation to be healed

September 13, 2020

There is often this perception that healing is a required part of the process of grief. I don’t believe this is true. Healing is and must always be the choice of the individual.

The myth of the noble victim (Archives)